Apropos :

http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/Ugly-scene-over-26/11-Advani-and-Pranab-clash/articleshow/5271886.cms

Advani definitely can do a lot of rehabilitation post 26/11. We should give him Kasab and 5 more hardened terrorists whom he will take to Terror capitals ( Kandahar , Kabul) to negotiate with the master minds of 26/11.

What we should not give him is a return ticket. He will be delighted to have his grave near Jinnah ( He strongly adores) Jaswant wont mind giving him company there.

I am not a big fan of Sachin and do not agree with him . Mumbai is not for Indians . Its for ,by and of Manooses.

 Consider the following facts :

 1. The non Manoos ( Ambani , Tata, Birlas , Wadias, Godrejs, Ruias , Hiranandanis) have done nothing more than dug grass here. The real wealth and skyline is created by Manoos.// We will get back who

 2. The best support services (Taxis, Shops, Hotels etc) , though they may be 1-5 % are run by Manooses.

3. The Pride of Mumbai ( Movies) is all because there are Great Manoos actors /directors/ musicians.. Damn the names ( Kapoors, Johars, Vermas, Bachhans , Roshans, Rehmans, Kumars).. The movie should only feature Riteish Deshmukh and company

4. The Southies have made Mumbai dirty by selling Idli dosa , rasam and what not.. We must have only Vada pao for every one

5. The Underworld hegemony also needs to be changed.. We must ensure that some manoos is bigger Don than Shakeels, Dawoods , Rajans etc.. There is a lot of glamor in underworld and Sons of soil have the first right to it

Other should come in here  only if Manoos have had their fill and are merciful. After all they have only developed the port (Britishers just claim credit), They have only taken out the black soil(Most suitable soil for cotton) from mother earth  , They by their deep breath pull the monsoon here.  Only Manooses in the SPG defended and freed the city from terrorists during 26/11 the non manoos soldiers had come on a luxury holiday trip  and enjoted the pleasant breeze at Nariman point

Story #1 ( Baba Bharati and value of belief)

Once there lived a saint called Baba Bharati. He had the best horse any body possessed during those times.  The name f horse was Sultan and people used to admire the horse for its gait and speed.  There was a Bandit named Kharag Singh and having heard great admiration about Sultan wanted to get the horse. He sent multiple proposal to buy horse but Baba Bharati accepted none.    

One evening , while Baba was walking the horse , he saw a poor person sitting on side of road . He asked if Baba could help him to reach Doctor. Baba obliged but he hadn’t walked 10 steps that suddenly with force the patient pulled the reins of horse and galloped. This poor guy was no other than Bandit Khadak Singh. He laughed and turned back to Baba and said, : “The most coveted horse in the world now is mine, Do you want to say anything ?”. The Baba replied, “ Please take the horse , I do not claim to be its master anymore. I have just one request : Please don’t tell any one how you got the horse. People will then never help a poor /sick person then “.

The Bandit was struck by enormous sense of guilt. He got down returned the horse  and walked away thanking Baba for opening his eyes.

en.girgit.chitthajagat.in

Story #2 ( Akbar and the value of Indian tradition of Rakhi)

                Sometime in the Mughal period  scores of Muslim soldiers had laid siege to a fort. The citizens were all trapped inside with whatever provisions they had. The attackers were unable to penetrate the fort either. With gradually weakening resistance, the incumbents were finding  it tough to hold position. The queen of the fort sent a messenger to Sultan of Delhi ( Akbar) with a Rakhi. This was a proposal to gain his brotherhood. The sultan accepted the proposal and send his troops to guard the fort. This was power of Rakhi.

Story #3( To hell with trust and beliefs , basal pleasures rule )

Somewhere in the 21^st century, a spoilt kid of rich doctors in North India failed to do well in any exam. The parents wanted their son to be an Engineer. They had money to send their ward to far off state where money could get admission . They requested a family to take care of their son and become his local guardians. This spoilt guy started visiting the family and to win their trust asked their daughter to tie Rakhi to him. Such is the tradition in India that tieing Rakhi puts the relation at a very high noble plane.  Having won the trust , the guy and girl enjoyed the lack of vigil by parents to indulge in romance. Unashamed of the act , the duo then wanted to get married. Enraged parents threatened  dire consequences and said this was utterly unacceptable even in thought.  The love birds eloped and secretly got married and kept the marriage under wraps.

Emotionally, the girl started to up the ante to tell parents to arrange marriage. Under heavy coercion  she admitted that she had already married. The audacity however didn’t end there. She wanted her parents to solemnize the act and do a public marriage.  The height is she was also pretty successful at getting everybody to put a stamp of approval on it.

These 3 stories span 3 different time periods . They also profile the Indian value system and where they are heading.

In this yuppie age no one questions the value of brotherhood ( Rakhi ka mol)  or murder of trust and benevolence . Bharatendu Harishchandra had said- “ Ha Ha Bharat durdasha dekhi na jaayee( Ahoy, I cant stand seeing the degradation of India )“.  Probably , in this world , its impossible to gauge how low morals can fall

We as humans are sometime so much driven by peer pressure into rituals and celebrations that we loose track of rationale of doing it. Let us take birthday celebrations. Earlier when medical systems were not advanced enough, an infant surviving mortality was an achievement. Pneumonia, Polio, Malaria or epidemics used to kill in large #s Thus every time scale conquered (1st day, 6th day, 1st month, 1st year) was a cause de célèbre . E ach year of survival was a cause to celebrate life and hence probably, the culture of Birthdays. The ritual done in childhood continued till adolescence , then to adulthood and finally till old age. There are some birthdays which are celebrated even after a person has died. Funny.

 If we look at the way birthdays are celebrated, the feeling is more grotesque. Children dress up like clowns, balloons are hung. Lights are blown away (Extinguishing fluttering candle light is often symbolic of a soul struggling and finally leaving human body). This then should mean that on you 30th birthday 30 units of soul have left you( Blown away by you). There are people clapping and singing and you should feel happy (??). Happy about loosing life and singing the stupid Birthday song in English irrespective of your linguistic skills. Then they rub that cake on to your face to start consuming some of the unhealthiest food on earth. Whipped cream topping (100% fat), sugared bread ( Very High calorie), Samosas( Deep fried), Soft drink( Every 100 ml contains 10 ml of sugar). Its not good when you are a kid and dangerous if you are an adult with a desktop job.

If we look at the age perspective, childhood gives you the onus to grow ( gain independence) , teenage prepares you to puberty( Be able to reproduce) , Early 20s give you a path to reach peak of your physical strength and capacity. Biologically you are at peak when 25. Then you are on a plateau and you start dreading what each year of age does to you physically. Sporadic greys start appearing on head, hairlines start receding, balding often sets in . After 30 every year you loose 2.5 % of your bone mass and 3.5% of muscle. Cavities in teeth need occasional filling. You tend to be moving from: Running to Jog to walk now. Forgetting becomes more frequent than remembering .Does this call for Happy birthdays ?

If yes ,be the clown and jump like clown, distribute sweets. If  No, reassess!!!! Birthday celebrations are best before you hit 30. Life on the other side of 30s is not that great unless you make real extra efforts. Think !!!!!

Politics is venal. Reams of newsprints are wasted profiling the the dirty and not so dirty acts of politicians. Political parties are bigger repulsions . Often people turn zealots defending theri favorite party’s lines. I do not have any political affiliation but have a deep sense of love for my country. The biggest party in India too has been playing very dirty tricks to usurp/hold on to power and also at times bringing Shame to nation.

Here are the 5 most disgusting things ( In my opinion ) Congress has done :

5         Blocked the re election of President Kalaam : Put a nondescript person as President in name of gender. Inspite of exemplary tenure and unpartisan and visionary Presidentship of Kalaam he was denied a second tenure.  Just look at what unworthy , undistinguished work  his replacement has done in last 1 year  besides taking his kins on official tour to further personal business interests and make protocol gaffes

4. Blocking the impeachment and promoting the informers: Justice Cho Ramaswamy  In spite of proven charges of corruption and irregularities as solicitor general, his impeachment was blocked. Similarly , current CEC Naveen Chawla  was promoted inspite of clear dispay of partisanship and leaking information of confidential info to poll managers og Congress

3. Recommending Creamy layer for reservation: This too when large population of upper caste languish Below Poverty  lines. Sons of MPs /CMs with assets of 1000 crores are entitled to reservation. What a mockery of social equity

2. Sharm Al Sheikh  : PM Manmohan Singh delinking terror with bilateral talks with Pakistan .  Even,the ashes of dead from 26/11 had not cooled off; the PM wanted to talk of trade commerce and bilateral relations with them.

1. Nomination of President’s son from Amravati : For last 2 assembly polls Dr Deshmukh had been winning this seat for Congress . I am witness to tremendous improvement he has done in this city of Maharashtra. He inspite of his fervent appeals has been sidelined to make way for President’s son. Psycophancy rules in this party and Dynasties reign.

Please write in if you know more.

God’s variable pay should be linked to monsoons in Q2s

There are 2 things which trigger this thought: 1) All across the world , no body can take a portion of their pay as granted and 2 ) God has been very inconsistent in delivering what its supposed to with consistency 

Let me explain my seemingly indignant proposals.

The first Question is  : Does God have a pay ? and if he does, then does he have a fixed and variable component ?

 If we think deeper God gets a lot from her (Using ‘Her’ to be politically correct) devotees. Lets  see the various forms it takes.

1. There is cash and loads of it every moment coming to her. The cash register is not often accounted for .It pours in form of currency notes and predominantly coins.
2. There is kind and its multiple forms. The manifestations are :
   1. Milk
   2. Sweets
   3. Flowers
   4. Clothes
   5. Fragrances
   6. Other food Stuff
   7. Precious metals ( Gold , silver etc)
3. Credit  :  They rain in multiple forms :
   1. Cheques
   2. Donations
   3. Pledge against wishes/successes / wins
4. Life : Sacrificing human /animal lives in return of wishes
   1. Bakras (Goats)
   2. Kids
   3. Buffalos etc
5. Real estate : This is the biggest emolument and comprises :
   1. Huge Temple /Mosque / Churches/ City ( Vatican,Mecca)
   2. Roads, wells, Caves, etc    Here , the different endless manifestations may crop up but to keep the long story short , I will come to a more significant one .
6. Time : This can vary from :
   1. Prayer minutes every day
   2. Meditation hours everyday
   3. Fasting days/ week
   4. Devotion months/year
   5. Worshiping years/life and
   6. Lives/community or family dedicated to her

The above 7 ( not yet exhaustive ) establish beyond doubt that god does have a pay  . Some part of it is fixed like daily prayers, Prasad etc. There is a very large Variable pay which is linked to meeting aspirations of devotees. Like If I pass , I put a Prasad of Rs 501. If the ailing son recovers , I build a temple etc. Having established both we must rationalize how the variable pay should be controlled.

Monsoons have lot of bearing on the happiness and prosperity of people in country like India.  Ideally upto  80 %  or less monsoon , the variable pay should be zero. Between 81% to 99 %  she should get  pay in proportion to percentage. Between 100 to 115 % he may like to get double the difference over 100% i.e for 110% monsoon he may get 120% variable pay. Beyond 115 % , i.e causing floods there should be penalty.  These are my initial thoughts . What are your thoughts ?

Passing thoughts :

 Imagine you are put into a car ,You have to drive it to a known destination. The car has a beautiful dashboard but none of them will work unless you manually update their values. How good will it be if you have to pop a dipstick inside the fuel tank to find how much fuel is there and then update the fuel meter. You go to the battery compartment, use a voltmeter to measure battery voltage, come back and update the dashboard. You go to engine compartment, measure the temperature of engine oil and update the temperature meter and so on . 

This brings us to 2 major questions : 

1. How often should  you get down from car to measure and update the dashboards ? 2 hrs? 60 minutes ? every 30 minutes ? every 10 minutes ?
2. If you  have to tell outsiders why your car is not driving correctly , will you have a feeling that if only I didn’t tell you every 15 minutes what my vehicle parameters are, I would have reached home by now? 

Too much is being made out by various organizations on Project Dashboards. The Senior Management often believes that this is often the epicure of all project problems. Once they get dashboards, they can parade each project manager whose projects have parameters in red. This zeal of CEOs/ COO/ VPs results in passing a whip whereby once in a fortnight/ week a mail is sent to all. The Project manager stops all his activities, tells all team members to stop activites. They just do one thing, collect all metrics dump it on a spreadsheet. The sheet then is sent for consumption by the Sr Management. Once this exercise is complete, this gives a sense of superiority to management who believe that they have reins in their hands. All is good with this process only till you abstract yourself and look how in reality things work.

In ordinary/ extraordinary cases ,what is done is: A  not so old vehicle of  reliable make  is bought, the dashboards are automated, most consumables( Fuel, radiator coolant, battery level, tyres etc) are adequately filled, the driver is suitably skilled and licensed to drive. While this is true for ensuring even VVIP motorcades; For Project management , the sponsors take an entirely tangent route. No body buys a reliable vehicle ( Project Mgt Processes viz PMBOK or PRINCE) ,) The approach followed is : They make their own vehicle ( PM proceses), Every one wants to get the metrics manually updated , the PM does all that the guys with passive car dashboard was doing . they do not ensure that the Project driver is licensed (PMP, PRINCE certified) or at times if s/he is licensed , tell them to run the project not in sync with licentiate rules but narrow current priority.  The PM finally rams the project into the wall wondering what went wrong. He had learned driving projects on his own could crank the project to start and had some idea on steering and brakes too…    An investigation is ordered, PM screams at management, management screams at PM, PM screams at team members ,every body thinks somebody else was to blame. 

A driving parameter gone wrong has to be immediately addressed, whats needed is LIVE feed to PM on whats going wrong at that instant, not a court of inquiry once in 15 days to let a PM find out whats wrong and then non drivers telling her how she should drive.. Its time world bodies standardize the framework of PM dashboard , all project based companies embrace them and licensed PM drive all projects. Every thing good happening in the world is probably attributable to projects.

Indian publishing is infested by a large no. of venal movie critics. Each one revelling in his/her own idiosyncracies and often bribed or goaded to shower encomiums. While the likes of Amitabh Maitra are rare and too academic to appreciate any thing less than Kurosawa, I believe there are other 5 movies which are decimate the boundaries of Art/Entertainment/ Quality work. They are a good kaleidoscope to get delighted with Quality work in Film making.

5. Agnipath /Parinda:  The vengeance, attitude, the look and dialogs are awesome . Amitabh ,by far looked  most amazing as a Don in one Nana Patekar is awe inspiring. The action scenes and camera work are amazing  in both.The Villainy of Danny is chillling in one while characterizationof Jackie in other is peerless. I will put this movie in league of Mississipi burning , Godfather. Bandit Queen too makes the mark in this categoryThe stories are original

4. Sholay  : This classic is everfresh. The comedy of Dharam, Hema, Leela mishra, Jagdeep, Ashrani has never been matched in any other movie. The fear which Gabbar evoked in minds of audience is unparalleled. The subtle romance of Amitabh, Cabaret by Helen, Gun battles in various scenes, the dialogs, the hand crushing scene by Sanjeev Kumar , songs, camaraderie create benchmarks. I wonder, it this kind of magic will ever be recreated. Solay if seen with unprejudiced eyes can leave Good, the Bad and ugly miles behind.The story is original

3. Roja : The music transforms you to a different platform. The vulnerability of Madhu, natural expressions of Arvind Swamy, the photography, the poetry , ” Bharat humko Jaan se pyaara hai ”  . The way movie moves from a village in Tamilnadu to Kashmir crafts a beautiful story .It  captures the myriad hues of India. Pankaj Kapur looks menancing as Kashmiri militant. The ending scene is mind blowing. Shawshank Redemption( Rated to have best movie ending ever) will stir you to the hilt but Roja shakes you a little more The story and drama is fresh and original.

2. Munnabhai MBBS : Raj kumar herani scaled this peak and there after, the journey has been downhill.  Sanju baba has been immortalized after doing this role. The sense of comedy, innocent questions, wit and  humor are unprecedented. Bomman Irani displayed aura hitherto seen only in Amjad. His best role till date. There after he has  probably never come this close to perfection. Great direction, screen play and probably the best ever performance by Arshad. Supposedly a rip off from Gangsta MD, the movie gets you on the floor laughing. John Travolta in Look who’s talking pales in comparison to this.  I would put Rangeela as a close contender.The story appears original ( I am yet to see Gangsta MD)

1. Slumdog  Millionaire & Gandhi : Both these movies made by Britishers to portray India/ Indians have been global success. The casting in both are as good as they can ever be. Ben Kingsley brought Gandhi alive on screen, no body else will ever be able to recreate this resemblance. Om puri as a rioteer, Roshan Seth as Nehru , Rohini as Kasturba shook the world . Slum dog exploited the terrific story from novel Q&As to extremes. The hope and survival thrown in with humor and wit are par excellence. This is what creates a masterpiece . Probably these 2 are landmarks in world cinema everone can be proud of. The stories are absolutely fantastic

The work, then left for producers and financers is to challenge all directors to ask if their proposed work   match or exceed the standards set by movies mentioned above. The critics may do better to bench mark new movies aganist these.  The audiences need to summarily reject mindless love triangles or remakes vomited by Johars, Chopras, Red Chilies etc  . In a good movie and a commercial success, the biggest factor is story.

Lest we do this, these buggers will keep remaking stupid Dev Dasses, Dons , Kamineys, Anand ( Kal ho na ho) and keep insulting our intelligences while laughing their way to banks.  They consider story as something which can be recycled, borrowed, stolen or fixed during movie making ( Chandni Chowk to China, Kaminey etc) . A clear rejection of their dirty motives will get Indian cinema the respect  and money it deserves.

PS: Am gladly surprised to see that the following disgustingly sissy  people are not even remotely related to these great works : Shahrukh, Govinda, Rishi Kapoor, Jeetendra, Karan Johar.

Contrarily, consider the kind of respect you have when you  hear AR Rahman, ManiRatnam, Salim Javed, Amitabh ( Yesteryears- Not Stupid Sexy Sam or Jhoom Barabar), Nana Patekar ( Ankush, Prahaar not meterdown)or Aamir Khan

Few years back , I read one sociologist’s view on what rules ensure Bollywood success.

He started with :..rope in  Star kids, get racy music 3 months before release , spread affair rumors about lead actors etc).

The last one was least evident where he suggested  : Invite all jounalists to a party , and give them an envelope containing cheques of Rs 50,000 each. Once the media is full of encomiums, the opening itself ensures profit. By the time , the truth is discovered, the kill is made and producers can laugh away to bank .Coming back to current time. The formula to make chootiya  (Idiots) out of audiences still works.

 After reading several rave reviews,  decided to see this flick with 2 friends. Here is what I wonder how the film might have been made by Vishal: 

1. Story : Do judwa bhai, 1 chootiya 1 haraami.. dono ke 20-25 minute ke scene.. thoda sex daalenge , 1 gaana .., Bhai- Bhai ki 1 fight,  Jaalim Baap/Bhai , last mein thain thain.. sab khallas. Crime .. usme kyaa karein ? Arre kuchh idea nahi aa raha.. arre koi baat nahi Drugs ka plot use karte hain..
2. Comedy : Arre saala .. iska bahut tension hai.. Hero ka diasability dikhao.. India mein log disability dekh ke bahut hanste hai.. Kisi ka dimaag kharab dikhao.. kisi ka jabaan.. Yeh hollywoood jaise dimaag nahin lagaana
3. Photography : Saaala sabh kuch low light mein shoot karo.. kuchh nahi dikhega to confuse honge.. aur hamein kuchh dikhana nahi padega. Senseless editing karo aur scene bhagao.. Kisi ko samajh nahi aaya ki kya ho rahaa hai..tab tak film khallas.
4. Dialog : Ek do gaali.. thoda laundiya ko bold dikhao.. saala public hamesha sochta hai ladka hi rape karta hai.. is baar different bolegi
5. Climax : Is baare me kya sochna hai.. 50 saal se apun log yahi karta aaya hai.. Saara villain, police ek jagah lao aur Dhen tan an.. khoob goli.. aur public fighting se khush.. aur paisa vasool.. Apun ko Oscar best ending to milne waala nahi.. aur uske chakkar mein pic-chur ka maa behen ek nahi karne ka..
6. Accessory : Arre sab ko bolo ki  sabfillum magazine mein chhapna chahiye ki . abhi yeh fillum ka hero ..apni heroine ko real mein bahut bajaa raha hai.. bas itna kaafi hai.

Interestingly, i tried to search image ” Chootiya ” on web  and found one titled ” Sabse bada Chootiya ” and couldnt stop laughing. Here is the image

Closing thoughts :

1. Story :Vishal B ne picchle baar Omkara ke liye Shakespeare ki Othello ki kahaani maari thi.. Is baar khud Shakespear ya Coppola banne mein phat gayi hai.. par logon ko chootiya fir bhi achha banaaya hai. A movie without story praised by many . 
2. Music : Dhen tanan has got good beats.. the picturization is jarringly dark . Psychedelic disc light is not a novelty and worth raving. No other song is worth a mention. He should rewind his tapes of maachis.
3.  Comedy : Sense of comedy is totally misplaced. I hope Bollywood grows up to find better ways to make peole laugh. Making fun , lampooning people’s disability is intellectual poverty. Hope they apply thought. Kaante had much better sense of self deprecating humor . Ghajini , Rangeela had intelligent humor. Kamal Hassan was brillliant in his silent movie ( Forgot name) . Oye Lucky was ribald and This kind of humor is abysmally reproachable .
4. Action scenes :  Having seen shoot out @ Lokhandwala Ghajini and Ghayal, the actions scenes are (1/10)th of their quality. The guns in hands of cop look un authentic and toy like. Vishal may do well to do internship with RGV who inspite of bull shit like Aaag atleast knows how to shoot Cross fires.
5. Acting : Priyanka is the saving grace. She has worked hard and looked authentic mulgi ( Marathi girl) in first half. In machine gun totting scene , she is totally misplaced, the camera work is hopeless in last scenes.  This I say because  I have recently seen how camera work should be in Slum dog. Shahid has been mokeying around for long.. appearing like SRK duplicate and once went to Pankaj Kapur( Father) to know what he thoughtof his acting. He said, ” Tu langur ke jaise uchhalna kab band karega , aur kab bada hoga? ” I am sure with this movie too , he wont have much nice thing to say.

The Verdict :  .   My actual outburst when coming out of theater. Saala is Hindustan mein akhbaar walon ka sab kuch bikta hai.( Front page, last page, editorial etc). My sister in law who is rarely critical of movies said , ” Its not worth 1 * “   Its not the villains, politicians , drug peddlers , cops or Guddu and Charlie ..but the journos/critics praising    it with 4 /5 stars who are Kaminey

Jokes apart, the following is what appears as a good preventive measures :

 1. Avoid crowded places till pandemic subsides. Crowd here means places where maximum distance between 2 persons is less than 3 ft.

 2. Improve immunity by following :

                         a) Exercising atleast for 30 minutes non stop there by sweating.       

                         b) Taking good balanced diet. Taking multivitamins if required

                        c) Having adequate sleep 6-8 hrs a day

                        d) Avoiding intoxicants ( Alcohol, tobacco etc)

                       e) Avoid stress of any kind.

                      f) Get ordinary Flue vaccine.

 3. Identify one good ,experienced Doc in your neighbourhood who can refer you to Govt hospitals in case you develop strong symptoms. Get your respiratory disease cured at the earliest or if diabetic get low sugar levels   

4. Maintain a very high degree of hygiene. Take bath with 2 teaspoons of germicide ( Dettol,Savlon etc) in a bucket of water.Cut nails, sterilize your hands after physical contact with door knobs, elevator buttons etc.

 5.Maintain a distance of 3 ft from normal individual and 6 ft from a coughing/ sneezing individual. If unavoidable, avoid touching eyes , nose, mouth till you have cleaned your hands with soap