Making sense of BLACK hoax

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यह कहानी पूरी तरह से काल्पनिक है। इसका किसी जीवित अथवा मृत जंतु के कारनामों के मेल होना केवल संयोग है ।  इस कहानी  के लिखने की अवधि में किसी भक्त को नुक्सान पहुँचने की घटना नहीं है। कमजोर मस्तिष्क के भक्त कृपया आगे न पढें, जा के एक गिलास ताज़ा गौमूत्र पियें  ।
This is an act of fiction. The characters and incidents described in this story do not bear resemblance to any animal or place, living or comatose. No Bhakt was damaged or tortured during writing of this story. Stunted Bhakts should not proceed forward, they should go and drink a glass of fresh  piss of cow.
An attempt to write of financial crime thriller fiction stir fired with sarcasm and garnished with SEX
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~~~~~~~~~Warning .. Profane content ahead .. proceed at your own distaste~~~~~~~~
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Year 2014 , somewhere in a strawling metropolis, a Bhujju कटेल भाई named Phoosit  bootlicks and sucks up to mota bhai Muchesh Tampani. ( A Billionaire Big Bro)
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He sucks all the way up and becomes President of (Business !!!! Development) at Chori-liance Industries Ltd. Muchesh loves the way Phoosit hucks, so he decides to lift him up..
Phoosit edges up and soon and is recommended for the prestigious job of Deputy GabbarNar of AarBeeEye.  The recommendation of Mota Bhai is an order for the pugs in Belhi ( The top Ghetto ) .
Vaando chhe ki( Bhujju for “Trouble is”) AarBeeEye already has MAAACHO, tough, capable, rockstar, stud and high integrity GabbarNar in form of Baghuram Baajan ..
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Gaanda bhai  ro chance natthi (( Bhujju for younger bro stands no chance)
Now gaando bhai Phoosit goes and cries a gutter at mAntilla mansion in the city of Chombay . Mota bhai’s love surfaces. He calls up his pup Charendra Dodi in Belhi..and tells him to go with pug Charun Choosley and  cut the stud Baghuram to size.
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Pup Dodi and his pug Charun Choosley wag their tails and immediately start barking at Baghuram …Baghuram is rockstar with high self esteem. He roars back- PH*** YOU , HOLES and moves on. #BAGHEXIT happens
The canines are all joys, throw a bone chewing party. Scavenger gaanda Bhai Phoosit GabbarNar thai gyo( Has become). The first impotent AarBeeEye GabbarNar without B***S.  Bhujju land celebrates by drinking million gallons of sugar syrup on-the-rocks. Phoosit now is an indebted mole and informer of mota bhai in a critical place.
Mota bhai now dictates a script to be acted by Charendra and Phoosit. He has just launched a mega scheme Pio ( A free unlimited canabis drinking program for 3 months). The Pio is sucked up by most and is a pant changer. The era of cash for dope is gobar now ( Gobar = cow dung)
 In an evening in Belhi, Charendra open his ugly snoots, thumps his bums, shakes his.. you know what…  and vomits out the script of Motaa Bhai.
Person in authority is a blockhead.
 Hoi polloi are aroused. Seetis and taalis fill the skies, rivers and mountains… A rock band plays loud music on an anthem – Kachhe din ab aane waale hain ( Ahoy ! The days of underwear days are coming) .
Dopeys get high on Pio sponsored by Mota Bhai and served by sexy Charendra..Cries of protests from common men and chickens get drowned in the opprobrium of Suckts( Suckts= An endearing epithet for retards who suck up to Charendra).
With a flash of lightening, 72 Virgins appear. Hallucinations peak and Kachchhe din are in their hands. Virgins are all “Make in Bhindia”. Pandemonium reigns, the ensuing ejaculations from Suckts engulf the jal ,thal, aakash and paatal , in short, the entire firmament. Belhi gets enveloped in soopur soopur SMOG… but then in the delirium of such sexy evening- WHO THE CHUCK CARES

Surgical strike on kaale bhooray

Mitron,

Approx 40 yrs ago, India was blessed with a great leader who was energetic vibrant, visionary and sexy.  Most of his followers believed that  He was God’s gift to the country and that he alone will power the country to be the next super power.

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This genius leader came to the conclusion that the biggest problem of the country was nothing other than ” Black brown population”.  Indians  were producing very large number of kaale, bhoore, chitkabrey  bachchey (children). This was leading to very large population. This large population was causing :

  1. Shortage of food, shelter, clothing
  2. Unemployment
  3. Crime
  4. Terrorism
  5.  Too much Sex and…. leading to
  6. More population // Now go back to 1 and repeat

This, he was convinced  is the root of all problems that it must be stopped. This menace of population was very big and while all his predecessors only talked about controlling population, God had chosen him to be the crusader against this menace… This was the time for him to take action.

He went ahead and declared that starting from next few hours,  producing of children is going out of circulation. While you can have sex but your balls need to be disconnected. The best thing folks could do is by going “Cashless ” ( oops)  ChanceLess sex.  This cutting of the pipeline of population will run for next 50 days. The citizens will face some inconvenience but in the long run it will be very good for the country.  Govt will come up with new denominations of hot pink condoms. The queues for such condoms will initially be large but gradually become small. All males above age of 21  who have already produced an offspring must be sterilized by doing vasectomy.

The chamchas  of the leader lost no time in lauding, applauding and rejoicing this move.     The dogs of this leader went full hog extolling/ barking the virtue of the biggest assault ever on  the largest problem of the country  i.e ” Black population”. This was the boldest move ever. People said – ” Bande mein hai dum ” . Lots of citizens said , we fully support the move, we are with this leader. Some wise men said they have no problem with this leader and only those who want to be noticed by going against the grain are groping his bums.   Every body must support this noble initiative. All the folks who opposed sterilization were branded anti national. The intent of leader was very good.

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Uttawar, a village 80 kilometers south of Delhi, woke up to the police loudspeakers at 3 a.m. Police gathered 400 men at the bus stop. In the process of finding more villagers, police broke in to homes and looted. Total of 800 forced sterilizations were done. It was a big assault on “Black /Brown population“.

During execution of this visionary move, a lot of young guys who were not even married were castrated. In some cases, some old men who were not even able stand up, let alone have sex were sterilized to meet the targets set by the visionary leader. Harijan, a 70-year-old with no teeth and bad eyesight, was sterilized forcefully.

The govt machinery was barely ready to do such massive scale of vasectomy. The processes were not calibrated and many people died of infection as necessary antiseptic were not available. Some LeaderBhakts claimed that in a great “Surgical strike” a little collateral damage was all ok.emergency

Some Media went ga ga on the brilliant master stroke to attack the “Black population ” … those who criticized were called “Paid media”, “AntiNational” or people filled with negativity. 1000s of justifications were provided on how great move this was. Genitals of 83 lakh Indians were “Surgically mutilated” . 1000s died and some Congtards claimed that case of death were really DUMB.

Donkeys brayed encomiums on the assault and composed poems. The Supreme court of the country said that they are not against Vasectomies and asked the govt to file an affidavit on steps it was taking to reduce the inconvenience during vasectomies. The attorney general asked the judge to visit the vasectomy center during lunch hours and see for themselves that folks were actually enjoying vasectomies. Govt docs were tickling their balls very well.  Some dudes were found on streets wearing Tees with message ” Proud to be castrated” …  singing anthems on Nas bandi – ” हर हर हो जी , घर घर हो जी ( Har har Ho jee, Ghar ghar Ho jee) ”  and ” बच्चे बिन अब , आने वाले हैं  (Bachche bin ab… aane waale hain)

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Some notable incidents

१. Shahu Ghalake, a peasant from Barsi in Maharashtra, was taken for sterilization. After mentioning the fact that he was already sterilized, he was beaten. He was sterilized for the second time

२. Hawa Singh, a young widower, from Pipli was taken from the bus against his will and sterilized. The infection took his life

There were off course some GhandiBhakts who voluntarily accepted vasectomy and encouraged other folks to do the same ( All in the long term interest of the nation ). It was also claimed in State media that people were eagerly queuing up to get vasectomized and queues were a few kilometers long.

Courts were forbidden to adjudicate on the complaints because this was the privilege of an elected govt.  This beautiful scheme however died a beautiful death and the visionary leader died a sudden death in helicopter crash.  The menace of population grew even bigger thereafter and it almost doubled in next decade.  #WTF

This population however paid great dividends when technology revolution happened. Instead of becoming a liability, the population paid rich demographic dividends and the country became the global hub of technology services…

The country moved ahead but after some years, a new root of all problems has been discovered. To solve that problem, its said the soul of dead Vidhata has entered a new Chhappan inch bold body avatar.

All the  Vidhata who were accomplices in that great endeavor probably have also taken rebirth and are busy extolling the virtues of a God’s gift to India again.His “Bold decision” is solving one more black problem in the long run.

 

 

 

 

 

Death of Rs 500/1000 notes in my wallet

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I am a big fan of “Animal farm ” written by George Orwell. This possibly is the best book ever written to understand ugly politicians. If you have read the book you will relate to the current currency scam. If not, a quick intro will help.  One of the characters in book which always makes me laugh is “Boxer ”

Boxer -> A loyal, kind, dedicated, extremely strong, hard working, and a respectable cart-horse who by IQ is a donkey. He is a Bhakt of wicked pig king Napoleon, who rules the farm, exploits him and animals perennially. Boxer however  always holds the belief that Napoleon is always right.One day he realizes the ugliness of his king Napoleon, but its too late, he is caged,in a close truck and on the way to slaughter house ready to be killed.//

Another interesting character is  -> Squealer – A small, white, fat porker who serves as wicked king’s second-in-command and minister of propaganda. He mixes with animals and misguides them that everything King is doing is for their good.  There is an example of squealer later in the post😉

Please do read this book its hilarious.. i thanks Kuldeep Singh for recommending it to me.

There are 1000s of such Boxer bhakts on social media today who feel “Modi  is always right ” . We must not blame them, we cant awaken them. Their faith in Modiji is as strong as Madarsa dude’s  in Quran or Sharia. Metaphorically, the Boxer Bhakts are  in dream or delirium of different elusive 72 virgins ( Achchhe din, Akhand Bharat extending to Afghanistan and Tibet).  We can only pity them or laugh at these boxers as they move to slaughter house of cess and torture of inconvenience.

Let me try to pose some questions :

  1.  Who is the governor of RBI now ?……    Cant tell? ….. Why ? Few months ago you could always tell ?  Why is a non descript impotent person an RBI governor now ?boxers         ( What you see in this post is a Squealer and irrelevance of RBI governor)
  2. Was this kind of currency Harakiri possible, had assertive Rajan been in the place ? // He was not a Yes sir, yes sir 3 bags full, all for YOU  kind of man… Was he removed to facilitate this mammoth scam..
  3. What was the safeguard against passing on such  impactful and drakonian orders to businessmen/ groups who are bed fellows of Bhajapia ministers ? // Dont you already know the folks from whose hands our PM eats out off  or Mr Gadkari enjoys Cruise ship trip in Europemukesh_ambani_modi-pti                                         (Dont tell anyone else but start wrapping up )
  4.    Will Modiji declare the source of estimated 15,000 Crores black money he spent to win 2014 elections ? // Sushma Swaraj was the first politician crying bucket of tears to Chief Information commissioner pleading to not include her party spendings under RTI .. they came to power, partially riding the hatred for Congis and decidedly riding enormous marketing juggernaut.
  5.  After that allegedly bogus and unsubstantiated “Furgical Strike” allegedly destroying  so many alleged terror camps, why the soldiers are dying everyday at Borders ? Wasnt there a better alternative to divert public attention from incompetence to handle border, Kashmir problem and fake surma Bhopali encounter?

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11 things which made me love my rail journey

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 Over the last 15 months, I have stayed away from my family.  I must have made 17+ trips from Bangalore to Pune. Most of them were flight journeys in low cost carriers. Very soon, I started hating these flight journeys. The primary reasons were a) Cheaper red eye flights made me miserable on the next days b) Bangalore airport is horribly far off and city traffic+ taxi cost gave me heart burns.. c) I hate being frisked..
Trains mostly showed waitlist for tickets , so I started traveling in KSRTC ac buses . These buses are faster than the trains (Some guys tell me that a politician runs a bus service and he is blocking moves to acquire land which can make train journey between Bangalore and Pune an overnight one). The legroom and claustrophobic sleeper buses never gave me a pleasurable travel experience.
This time I decided to try train and approx a month ago, booked a 2 AC  ticket in Sampark Kranti express.  I didnt expect the experience to turn out to be so good. Here are the things which have changed beautifully.
I landed up at  Yeshwanthpur station of Bangalore for my train to Pune by train.  I noticed the following :
 
1.  No garbage no stink :Every 20 feet or so , I saw a stainless steel garbage bins. People were not throwing garbage here and there. All used wrappers of toffee, biscuits were finding its way into bins
 
2. Shine on the floors : The floor of railway platform shone with a gloss. It was as good and clean as Bangalore  international airport and much cleaner than dilapidated Pune airport. 
 
3. Automation on the roll : As I wondered how the platform is so clean, I saw a person sitting on cool  motorized platform cleaning vehicle do a round. The mops below his vehicle were polishing the platform floor and in 1 hour,I saw him sweep twice i.e  30 minutes frequency. When we make the dirt work easier and classy, work gets done better🙂
It looks like this :
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4. Dignity of work : Most of the cleaning staff  were wearing good uniform with agency name. This, I think, makes the cleaning staff feel good about themselves. The dignity of cleanliness as a profession has been restored.
 
5. Awesome Beverages :  I often hate the railway chai but in the compartment as the Chai guy gave a call, I thought I will ask for a coffee. I was wondering whether it will be anything like coffee. The guy showed me Nescafe Cappuccino premix.It cost Rs 30/=. but it tasted great. // In flights I often buy it for Rs 100/=
 
6.  Impeccable washrooms : When I went to wash room, I saw it specklessly and clean. It had stainless steel paneling and it shone. The wash basin had good Jaquar fittings, flush worked effectively.  Not only the washroom had a good working fan, it also had an exhaust fan.
 
7.Bio toilets : This train has bio toilets which means turds do not fly all over the railway track // Great thing that  a joke that India’s railway tracks are the world’s biggest toilet will soon become memories of past .indian-trains-cover-image-1024x576
Actually it looks even better than the image shown and yes I also noticed a deodorizer in the wash room.
8. Charging points :  The mobile laptop charging point worked perfectly and it let me work efficiently using my hotspot. In fact , this blog has been fully written in train 
Bonus points
 
9. Luxurious upholstery : The upholstery for seats looks luxurious brown. As I ran my hand on it, it felt great.
 
10. Round the clock cleanliness : The train is covered under OBHS (Onboard Houskeeping service) which means highest degree of hygiene. I  saw full instructions for the housekeeping staff pasted  near the washrooms and phone numbers of officers to get in touch if the hygiene goes bad. 
11. Standard branded food : We all have cribbed about food in Railways.. and I was skeptical that I should order. I asked the Steward who is cooking and where is he from. He replied that food is coming from Comesum. I am waiting in anticipation for good food as well..
PS: I have heard horror stories about how Tatkal scheme doesnt work and Diwali rush for tickets is killing. I booked the ticket for 27th Oct on 26th and got it  First time right without a glitch using my IRCTC wallet..
This is my best travel experience between Bangalore to Pune  and I will be travelling in trains more often. I strongly encourage you to experience OBHS covered trains, its the new shining India for middle class🙂

Adventures of Sukkha Bhai

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Sukkha Bhai or Sukda(सुकड़ा) is an emaciated dude who runs a Chai tapri in my mohalla.
He looks something like this  (Indicative picture from Google)
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Last week, he wokeup to see a few guys from Gangs of Muhammadpur all around him.  He was humiliated, caned and badly beaten by those teenagers. The gang had come on behest of Hasina Katrina.  Sukda was bruised and limped  for over a week. He was burning with desire of revenge. The flashpoint came when Laila( मोहल्ले की छम्मक छल्लो ) mocked his manhood – “सुकडू , तेरा खून कब खौलेगा रे ? “
Today, suddenly he was  चौड़ा ..
I : You seem to be beeming today.. क्या बात है
Sukkha : Today, I did the impossible
I: WTF have you done?
Sukkha : Last night, in a special act, I went inside Katrina’s bungalow, banged her for six hours.  “Significant damage किया ” and came back without even a scratch. I do not intend to do it again. कह के लिया, गेम खल्लाश
I : You breached the hi profile security, cameras, burglar alarms didnt go off, dobermans didnt bark, Muhammadpur gang turned a blind eye for six long hours, you did this outrageous thing,  didnt  she resist? Were the security folks also sleeping? How did you manage all this?Sukday ! Can you show me some evidence or proof so that I can believe your?
Sukkha (Goes mad) : How dare you ask me for evidence and proof. You mistrust a braather.
Friends of Sukkha : If Sukkha reveals how he did the impossible, will it not reveal all the divine skills, technique he used to penetrate the wall, invisibly going inside, doing the acts and finally making a claim. Entire Mohalla is celebrating the exploits of our Sukhhkad. We are doing Dhinkachika and if you are a sachcha Mohalla waasi, you should also shake-a – bum-bum.The symbol of Bombay
I : But, Katrina says nothing of this sort happened. She has shown her place to folks, there is little evidence to show she was touched, let alone banged.. Yes, she says some manchala had done a seeti to her Bai but nothing beyond that..
Sukkha and Friends ( YELLING NOW) : You infidel, ugly cynic rationalist,#$@$!@$@$ you Dont you have any empathy for your bahadur bhai who risked his life? Why do you need a bloody proof ????? She is lying. She got the lesson of her life. You ugly porky, cant understand this… ” YOU – WAIT AND WATCH”. There is no proof that Sukkha’s assault is fake. The onus is on Katrina to prove that nothing happened.. As far as we are concerned, we do not mistrust our holi cow oorf Sukkha.. We dont need to provide proof, you have to trust your braather..
I left the place as it was futile to make Sukkha and his patta-khor sukhda gang to see some sense in my question.
As I was leaving,  I noticed some crumpled tissue papers on floor and desiporn open on Sukkha’s lapop    [ To be continued]

The melting of right thumb

 On either side of Indo -Pak border nowadays is being  cooked propaganda . The one that makes the respective govt look sexier..On India side, the factory of lies is made to make Modi ji look like a Rambo PM (which he is not) , on the Paki side its designed to make General Raheel Sharif look like Napoleon ( Which he cant be).
Let dissect the state, find its genesis and take the gas out of uber blown intestines of propaganda spreaders.
In my objective view, both may be  compulsively lying or telling half truths or exaggerating facts to further vested interests..

The truth is : Somewhere in between..

Media (Both electronic and print) is a whore. Its fueled by massive ad budgets of Govts ( 1000s of Crores of front page ads) but I am sad to see that Army  Officers ( Holi cows) are being used as tool to spread falsehood. Lets look at the philosophical angle to understand it and what else can be a better reference than the biggest epic of war- Mahabharata..
In the middle of the battle, Pandavs realized that they cant get better of their own warrior Guru Dronacharya. He was inflicting heavy damage to Pandavs after Duryodhan insulted him of lacking motivation to fight  his favorite pupil Arjun.
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 Krishna ran out of ethical ideas to rein in Drona whose battle focus was immaculate.. The only way to get better of him was .. not to attack him physically but attack his brain.. Krishna was big schemer.. and here is the wicked plot he cooked:
“Drona loves his son Ashwatthama.  He is currently in jungle. If somehow we can fool Drona and convince him that his son is dead,  he will be heart broken and mentally upset . His inability to focus on war thereafter will break his defense. Thats the time Arjun’s arrows will find him. I suggest going to forest, finding an elephant, naming it Ashwatthama and then killing it. A convoluted announcement from a person Drona finds credible will do the trick.”
Why do all this ?  
Everyone in Pandav camp because of jumlas and lies had lost their credibility. The only compulsively truthful person was Yudhisthir and the belief was that he wont lie under any circumstances. Krishna approached him with a proposal of not telling a lie but this half truth. The announcement he was expected to make was
अश्वथामा हथो वा नरो कुंजरो ( Ahwathama has died, it may be an elephant or a human) .// Something like, we crossed the border and inflicted significant casualties, they may be terrorists or soldiers
Yudhisthir had objection to this also. He didnt want to be perceived clearly as a liar even in retrospect. So Krishna offered to get 100s of nagaadabajs to play  loud BANG – BANG when the twisty elephant/human words get spoken. The only thing Drona would hear is : Ashwatthama dead. This was the first honesty- integrity compromise by Yudhisthira.  The trick worked and next day Dronacharya was arrowed to death by Arjun.
Now coming back to claim of Surgical strikes jingoism, the nagaadas are our paid media.  The ministers of Modi ji are Jumlebaaz Pandavs whose pronouncements Indian citizens  do not trust. The forest is border across LoC  and the Ashwatthama killed may not be the terrorists claimed to be killed but monkeys or mosquitoes.
 We the citizens are Dronas and the literal “killing” here is killing our aversion to the distrust in govt.. ..  The drums being played may be the Bhaktards, moles or paid agents on social media.
 Apart from the desired outcome of killing Drona, the Dharmaraj who spoke fabricated  truth  figured out later that the thumb on his right hand had melted away.
The DGMO guy from army and the MEA guy  and who claimed the “Surgical Strike” during press conference, should in my view, should have a take care of their RIGHT thumb.
Many gullible Dronas amongst us may have already succumb..

Mrs India and the Rascal

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Mr G India is on a romantic road, walking hand in hand with his beautiful wife.. They have been married for 2 yrs now . 
lovers-walk
 
Suddenly a rascal appears from behind. He hugs his wife (Mrs India) and then starts smooching her. Its not one but 17 solid smooches in 3 minutes all over.. There are more things Mr Rascal is doing but I wont go into those graphic details just for now.. 
 
Mr India is embarased. He wonders, what can he do ?
 
He knows that this Rascal, in his pocket, has a “Lambi gun“.
 
Mr India also has a gun in his pocket. Its definitely a “Bigger gun” and he is aware of it . He inserts his hands in pocket and pulls out.
 
He starts shooting, the rascal ….. not with his gun but with his iPhone 7. The 12 MP dual rear camera with telephoto lens vividly starts capturing the video. Mr India will include this in a Dossier of proof he will show to the Rascal after he is done with the act.
 
Needless to say, Mr India had also shared with Rascal, the videos of previous occasions when Rascal had smooched/ kissed and .. his wife. Its another story that Rascal demanded that he should  visit Mr India’s home and see all the areas of Mrs India’s body where there are evidences of assault i.e  love bites, bruises etc.
Mr India obliged to this request. Rascal came to India house.. did a deep inspection on Mrs India’s body. He said nothing at their house but after he went back, he declared that, the love bites, bruises on Mrs India’s body were all staged.. These a result of violent love making by Mr India himself.
 
Coming back to current molestation, Mr India  has disengaged Mr Rascal and has captured some cognizable evidences. Having done the ceremonial “CONDEMN” of Mr Rascal, he plans to make MMS of this incident and make it go viral. This will help him get condom (oops) “CONDEMN” from all the rich phamous and powerFools …..
 
The biggest dilemma of Mr India is :
 
If he confronts the molester head on, Rascal’s best friend Mr China may screw him from behind. Mr India currently doesn’t have capability to handle dual assault. His fight doctrine says, he can only handle one assault at a time..  Fight can only be with either Mr Rascal or Mr China, not both together . Apart from this, confrontation time means Mr India cant open his grocery shop and that means losing money ( A big crime for Mr Grocer India’s value system)
 
So as of now , the best course of action for him is to :
a) Cry loudly … keeping the tail nicely tucked between the legs.
 
b) Do all the talks : Something like, I will deal with Mr Rascal at the time of my chosing // This means people should not keep asking him how he avenges molestation of his beautiful wifey ..
 
c) Isolate Mr Rascal:  Get him named as a habitual molester or rapist of worst kind. Whatever is possible😉 // At time of writing, the pet dogs of  Mr India have begun dancing/ celebrating the hints of some Phamous pholks isolating Mr Rascal. For example Mr and Mrs P  Russia have decided not to attend the party Mr Rascal has planned towards end of this month ..  

11 ways to respond to Murder of 17 soldiers in URI ( BJP ishtyle)

Uri in J&K  has seen the murder of 17 Indian soldiers. The citizens of India now seek affirmative action, if not revenge.  However, here are the 11 ways  Bhajapiyas have historically handled Pakistani issues and terror attacks. The well thought out strategy works like this
Updating the status a week after attack with prefix 24/9

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How habits drive designers to create bad design for touch devices

singlehand

I recently visited my favorite designer’s portfolio and was aghast that he too was making an avoidable error in designing for mobile. A normal user will find nothing wrong with design below:

mobile-app

As a designer or common user can you spot what usability problem the designer has created?

NO ?

Think hard ? Still not getting it ?

Now lets see the context of using this app .

rita

This persona say Rita, 24 ( 155cm tall )  is trying to book a bus ticket on the GO. Most likely she is in a crowded space. She is holding the mobile in her right hand.and a shake in another.

What really happens ?

She struggles to tap the top area of mobile .

Why am I so harsh in defining the usage scenario ?

If the strength of a chain is the strength of its weakest link, then usability of an app is only as good as how it works in its most demanding situation.

Chain.png

So in a tough scenario, this is how women like to use their phone.

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Why does single hand usage matter ?

Have a look at the regions of cellphone Rita’s thumb can reach below.

Its tough for Rita to reach the top zones to tap with her thumb.

ergonomics of hand.png

Also, the red zone keeps getting bigger as she moves to bigger phones like iPhone 6s ( On far right)multidevices

Why do our designers and developers make this mistake ?

Most of us non Arabic folks start to read our books from top left and move to right and then down.

This habit persisted in the way we designed our web. We kept the most significant content near top left.

So, most forms have first field (And most important trigger on Top left).  This worked satisfactorily as mouse cursor was not anchored or tethered to bottom right just like a right hand. A flick, often got the pointer on top left.

This however is next to impossible for Rita to tap on top right with her thumb in one hand grip.

How does she handle it ?

She loosens her grip on the phone, tries to push the top of phone down ( Or moves her grip up ). During this instant, the phone is very loosely held. A small shake, push or lapse of control and the phone crashes on ground, breaking the USD 70 screen.

What is the way out ?

  1. Be conscious of the areas Rita can tap(green zones). Put all important tappable actions in that green area.
  1. Let only some tappable actions spill over to difficult zone ( Orange)
  1. Utilize the inaccessible areas for displaying information which aids user to decide the tappable action. Use red zone as display areas.
  2. Create a set of  design templates which act a a visual guide to designers for placing various visual elements

What is the conclusion ?

When designing for touch devices, break free from the book  or web screen mental makeup and be very conscious of placing tappable actions in the green zones .

What is the moral of story ?

Look at mobile and touch based apps from a different angle of human ergonomics than what you do for web.

I didnt chant भारत माता and I dont

11  years after I hung my uniform as an air force officer. I am trying to remember if I ever chanted “Bharat mata ki jai” when in military. 6 years across 6+ military bases I served, how many times did I chant “Bharat mata jai “?  I  can for sure say I said “Jai Hind” a million times( Average 50+ times a day). But ” भारत माता की जय ” ?  I think  ” ZERO “. This surprises me and may be it will shock 1000s of chaddi nationalists a lot more. At epitome of national service, you do not need to chant this mantra.  I am hopeful, this is not giving an idea to some jerk in Sangh HQ to wake up and destroy the beautiful salutation culture of our glorious armed forces.

Looking back on the day when I was to take oath to defend India with all my vigour even to peril of my life, I had 2 choices

  1. Take oath on Gita or
  2. Just affirm as an individual.

I chose to do affirmation. I didnt swear putting my right hand on Gita or Sita. 22 of my 24 course mates did but I believed that the commitment I make as an individual, in my full conscience and wisdom doesnt need crutch of any religion or book. I was questioned why I wont take oath on Gita though I am a Hindu? I answered that my flavor/vision of Hinduism is not congruent to everything that Gita preaches. My argument was accepted. Imagine doing this in any other religious or theocratic nation, I will be labelled blasphemist and bled to death. To me, this is the most solid idea of India Hinduism and its grandiose सहिष्णुता

Growing up, I thought the God factory in heaven(ऊपर) stopped producing Devis+ Devtas+ Maatas+ Baaps in 560 BC ( After Buddha) but reality is quite different. Today, as I see a lot of irritating jingoism on “Mata” chant. A quick search on  Bharat mata  reveals that it was first conceived in a fictitious play , Bhārat Mātā by Kiran Chandra Bannerjee . It was first performed in 1873. So, in reality is it not just another figment of imagination of this Bhodro (Baangali) playwright during British rule?. Whats so sacred about it?

The story on Bharat mata can be read here

Surprisingly, anyone can add few additional pairs of limbs, put a lion/tiger+ sun halo behind, add one  weapon in each hand, top it up with a mukut and lo, a new deviji / maataji, baapji is created. Practically there is nothing stopping imaginative folks from creating Maratha maata, Patna Maiya, Guntoor Tanni or say JhoomariTalaiya maa. All it takes in this digital age is Photoshop.  Blockheads can claim that not bowing to it is against Nationalism / Regionalism or city / Mohallaism

I agree, “Mata/Mataram” did become a battle cry for some freedom fighters but so did ” Bole so Nihal, Allah u akbar or Har Har mahadev or, Joi ma kaali or Jai Gorkhali or Chak de fatte. Everyone had a choice to pick the battle cry which galvanized folks around to fight a common battle. It was the pluralism of battle cries which allowed folks to win multiple battles and ultimately the war. Every chant served some purpose just as every color contributes to make a rainbow beautiful. Pick your own indigo or orange but dont try to shove your choice of color up somebody’s…. you know what.

I had always been critical of deification of objects in Hinduism. From पाताल (Core of earth) to पेड़(tree) to पृथ्वी(earth) to penis does everything need to be a devta? This 33 Karod devi devta concept never appealed to me but I often liked एकेश्वरवाद  –  एक साधे सब सधे , सब साधे सब जाय.

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What do these mata chants have to do with a diverse, multifaith, multi ethnic pluralistic nation like India? What does it have to do with Hinduism other than its crudest form? What objective does this kind of deification handle other than

  1. Oversimplification of some objective to align the  low intellect junta around it?
  2. Create another non taxable revenue stream (Read temples) to help Birlas / Bajajs and other wealthies to run trusts around it to convert black into white and white into silvers?
  3. Celebrate a day with some silly rituals, extort money, eat up calorie bombs, create traffic nuisance and strew the rivers and oceans with a lot of garbage ?

I am not from a religion which prohibits me to bow in front of anybody other than Allah. I am not prohibited to say Jai to anyone.  As a free thinking man, my intellect revolts at mindless and reckless devification. Its utterly obnoxious to have a devata of every kind popping in front of me randomly from anywhere/ anyday expecting genuflection. I just wont do it. If a person like Javed Akhtar transgresses his religious bounds and chants Bharat mata, its his conviction and freedom to do it. If Owaisi doesnt want to say it, shouldnt he have the liberty to do it? Why should someone call him a a pig for it?

Why we debase the profound vedic shloka – जननी, जन्म भूमिश्च , स्वर्गादपि गरीयसी ( Heaven is found in the lap of mother and land of birth). Please note the usage of जन्मभूमि not मातृभूमि

We need to create more robust belief and value system around Nationalism and Hinduism in particular which can stand the onslaught of any critique or rational inquiry. Continuing to believe in ugly dogmas, stupid rituals and irrational beliefs or practicing them makes a mockery of your own intellect and our highly evolved religion.

Advantage Hinduism is: Its not driven by the communication someone received secretly in a cave. It does not shut down free constructive thought(शास्त्रार्थ) . Its not constrained or limited. The buck does not stop at any book. Not even Gita or Ramayana or Vedas can claim to be all encompassive of what Hinduism stands for. Its beautifully non prescriptive religion. It encourages you to be a contemplative and free thinking human. Empathy is what has kept this faith relevant.

आत्मनः प्रतिकूलानि परेषाम न समाचरेत.

If you wont like someone else’s ideology/faith thrust on you, do not thrust yours on them. If Hinduism could survive 600 yrs of murderous Islamic rule and 200 yrs of missionary lure, it can very well withstand ugliness emerging from within, in form of Sakshi maharajs, Amit Shahs or Muttaliks. We can evolve, we can mutate, we can create new releases, versions of our faiths, we need not create more gods, more maatas and baapas.

Recently, I was evaluating a very large enterprise software (U$ 100 Mn+ type )  for redesign with a project sponsor.  She told me – “ Everybody added a lot of crap on this software whenever they felt like but no one bothered to clean it up ever. So what you see is a lot of junk all around which makes little sense “ .. Same I believe is the case with Hinduism as a religion. Everybody when they felt like added their bit of crap, no body ever cleaned it up. So here we are with a lot of junk.

If you wish to start on some introspection of Hinduism as a faith, a good point to begin may be here :