Naturalist bows down

Continues from my last post 

My body has been medicine free for last 40 yrs “ boasted my father, while taking a sharp breath sounding like shoo, as the doctor injected the needle on his bum.

I have inherited this trait from my father. For the last few years ( 5+), I have gulped no medicine . Even when there was a 1.5 inch diameter wound on my knee, I trusted keeping it clean and open to facilitate natural self healing.  This time, however was different, a frozen spine and only 2 days left to fly. I had a choice to stick to my values or do something artificial to get going.  I tried various stretches, lying on the floor.  Pulling my knees towards the chest, on the same side and then other side. Crossing my ankle on other knee and pulling the knee again. Keeping the knees such that they made a triangle with ground and then twisting them side by side (Just as women do after child birth to get rid of belly fat). I tried touching my toes while feet outstretched but the gulf had grown to a feet plus. I just couldn’t do it. None of these could make me sit without pain.  Having tried balms, lotions, hot water bottle and cold pack, I finally decided to go and seek medical help.

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The orthopedic did his routine check and found no evidence of bone injury and concluded that it was muscular. I was ushered into a room of a physio therapist. She was a petite, young beauty, well built, muscular but this was no time to appreciate or revel in it.  She sensed the trauma I was in and made me lie face down.  As she rubbed electrolyte at various places on my back and attached electrodes, I told her of my plan of glacial trek. I requested her to do whatever in her control to ameliorate. I was not giving up on this trip. As she increased the impedance of the machine, the electrodes started oscillating at manic frequency. I shrieked in pain, as those impulse sent all my back muscles from behind my lungs to bums in a frenzy. Those electric impulses hit me like a storm. She stopped increasing the intensity. Here, I was undergoing heavy impulse vibrations on all my muscles which had pain trapped somewhere in them.

You will have to get it 3 times today and tomorrow and gulp these anti-inflammatory tablets to get anywhere even close to travel.  I was in a meek surrender and agreed to do whatever it takes.  Next 2 days were spent oscillating between home and physio therapy center. The medicines did their own thing. At end of the day 2 , she examined my back . I had healed completely and was cleared to take off.

I was on my way to solo travel to mystic Himalayas, totally happy of having gone beyond my basic belief to do a pragmatic thing.

Spine freezes over

July 2015, Pune : A needling pain rose up my spine, as I braked my car pulling up the parking ramp. As I turned off the ignition and took the keys out in my hand. I was still assessing the state of my back. I unlocked the door and tried to turn right, but found my torso frozen. My knee won’t come up without me pulling it up with both hands. This was an abject state of health which had come at the worst time.

Backpain

2 days from now, is my ticket to Chandigarh, my gateway to glacial mountain in Dharamshala, Himalayas. This is the trip, which had always eluded me and the one, my heart most desired.  Here I was, desirous of a treacherous trek when I was struggling even for basic body movement.

12 yrs ago, all alone in a hot and humid room at Bathinda, I had just finished reading “The razor’s edge” by Somerset Maugham. It’s a story of Larry Darrell, an American pilot traumatized by his experiences in World War I, who sets off in search of some transcendent meaning in his life.  Larry travels to India and takes a no cash trip to Himalayan forest and tries to survive on whatever he could get without spending money. I was inspired, I wanted to do something similar and being in India, I will only have to fly a few hours to do it.

I had made up my mind to go exploring the mountains immediately after quitting Air Force.  This, however was not destined to happen. On the day , I hung my uniform,  I didn’t have a job, had got married an year ago and was expecting my first child.  Life had planned an adventure of different kind for me then.

July 2015, this time, the setting was perfect. Between a job switch, I had planned a 15 day interval and I was absolutely sure, nothing would come between I and this experience.

Here I was, lying on my back on a hard floor, struggling with the pain which could possibly snatch my dream trip away..

Continued in my next post  ‘Naturalist bows down”

The naked truth of 7% GDP-How Modi fooled the FOOLS

#DeModiapa  or note ban  has been one of the biggest folly of Feku but come UP elections and he had to fool the middle class to believe that All is well with his shit..

To bring credibility to his idiocy he is adept at making use of holy cows.

First he hid behind army to claim success of fake #Furgical Strike. He has no evidence or facts to show what was done or not done.

Now, he has  tried to use the Central Statistical Organization ( CSO) to put sand over his shit..  So how did he manage to fudge the GDP growth data ? Read on as I try to pull his pants down to expose the statistical fraud.

1. 45% of Indian Economy in unorganized ( Read road side shops, low wage workers, village trade, non taxable trade etc)

2. CSO doesnt measure informal economy directly but makes assumptions to gauge its value. This is done by approximating it as a fraction of Organized economy i.e 81.818% of organized economy.

3. Rural economy was worst affected by #DeModiapa as these folks didnt get paid. Estimates tell, it shrunk by 20 to 30%

4. Through his Stooge minister Sadananda Gauda,  Modi asked the CSO to continue to use the same assumption, thus showing no decline in unorganized sector. // This is the ghotala source

5. He showed an increase in Govt spending to account for decreased industrial production.

6. In the immediate aftermath of #DeModiapa, gold buying peaked up in markets. The cost of gold skyrocketed from Rs 25,000/ 10g to Rs 65k/ 10g. Apple iPhones were bought in dozens creating all time high sales for Apple in India. Luxury vacations, over seas air tickets were bought. This increased buying was used to show that consumer spending didnt go down..// High spending on gold and shady products ofsetted the low spending on consumer products.

So, now we know what Feku did this summer, just before UP elections, to fool the FOOLS that Demonetization shit doesnt stink.  He did throw some sand on his crap and Bhakts went ahead saying Herculean chootiyapa had no effect.  Yes, it was not crap till you dont remove this layer of sand or pull his kurta up.

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BhajaKosh – A lexicon for understanding BJP, India’s biggest political party

Many rational Indians find it difficult to understand the madness called BjP. It has now become a cult movement in India just few cms short of Nazism which grew in Germany.  The only difference here is, this cult is more stupider. Most of the illiterate Hindus are by default, sworn slaves of this movement. The narcotic, now also affects a significant proportion of educated dolts who seek more and more of this drug.

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The lexicon or definition of key term, forms the building block or first step of understanding this cult. While most of the words have been synthesized from terms popular in BIMARU states( Bihar,MP, Rajasthan, UP), there exist a little profanity in this lexicon.

This I think is reasonable as one cant define or understand the act of RAPE without mentioning penis, vagina, thrust, etc. If you get outraged at any stage, please feel free to abandon reading.   Any suggestion to enrich this lexicon is welcome

BhajaPa : n. A union of Bhaja(Pray)+ Chootiyapa .. essentially do stupid acts and pray that something good will happen in the long run.

Feku – Word used to now officially describe  Narendra Modi without any ambiguity. His penchant for braggadocio regarding his achievements has earned him this sobriquet. Derived from the Hindi word (Phenku) which literally means: someone who throws. Usually used for someone who is bullshitting.

Bhakts : These are the folks who have flushed their brains out in commode and got it replaced by program which enjoins them to treat Feku as Prophet or God’s gift to India. Typically, they have low intellect, no logic or argumentation capability. They are very very happy about stupidity of Feku. They have low boiling point and can turn violent on any one who questions their Prophet. They have militant ideologies slightly less than ISIS and believe strongly in extra judicial killings  example Dadri, Bhopal encounters,

BjPigs : The karyakartas (workers)  of BJP who have undeservingly hogged power. Derived from Pigs of literary classic George Orwell novel Animal Farm where Pigs rule the animal farm after ousting the torturing human owner and thereafter meet out a even bigger torture to animals who brought them on power

Modi – n. (1) Maniac  Obsessed (with)  Death- causing Instincts : Example : Hitler, Stalin,

(2) Massive Obsession ( With) Damaging Ideas : Example Tughluq,  Demonetization etc.

Modiapa – An act of conducting chootiyapa which damages the country or causes deaths of people, employment or sanity.

ModiFied : n.  A transformation of an ordinary sane human being to become a sucker of deaths, genocide, ugly ideas and singing panegyric for the Prophet of newly adopted cult called Bhajapa

BjPimps : The bhadwas (Pimps) who try to bring ordinary gullible folks into its Bhajapa fold by invoking Hinduism superiority ( Nazism like)  or to vote for it

BhajaPaads : The gas BJP propagandists spread to defend Modiapa or Modi. Example: Demonetization has ended terror,  BjP is working  to loot the corrupt and give that money to poor.

BhanGis :  The Bhajapias ( Official party members) who are also Sanghis ( RSS wrokers). It sounds like Bhangees( The people who clean turds/toilets)  but no correlation with that noble job. BhanGis are RSS nominees for various party, govt or political positions. The dismissed governor of Meghalaya V Shanmugham was a BhanGi.. and so are Nitin Gadkari, Modi, Rajnath, Parrikar,  etc

Bhajapias : The union of Bhajapa+ Chootiyas( Dolts)  whose primary trait is to defend  every shit Bhajapa does .example Sambit Patra

BhajaPandu :  Union of Bhajapia + Gaandu . One who lends his ass to MODI, enjoys                        the sodomy very much and makes a public admission of the pleasure of that. Essentially, thinks that a sodomy from their Prophet cures his constipation. Example : When paying Rs 250 as cess and tax on a restaurant bill of Rs 750/= claims he is doing Desh seva.. but goes to office and submits fake rent receipts or medical bills to avoid paying legitimate income tax. Also , the same BhajaPandu buys most of his things without bill to avoid paying taxes

BhajaPani : n.  A union of Bhajapa + ChaiPani ( Bribe) + Surnames ending with “ani “, usually,  crooked business persons/entities  who thrive in business by bribing Bjpigs. Example Adani, Ambani etc.

BhaJang :n   A union of Bhajapa +Bhujang (snake)  usually  a vitriolic asshole who spews venom whenever he opens his her mouth making the environment poisonous example Rithambra, Sakshi Maharaj, Uma Bharati etc

BhaJamiya :n  A union of Bhajapia and Chhamiya : Typically an obnoxious female with very fat buttocks which she shakes in vulgar dance.. Example : Find her out .

BhajVaada n:  A union of Bhajapa + Vaada ( promise) also takes roots from Farzi-vaada aur fraud/ false practices. It often refers to to the fake promises BjPigs use to fool hoi- polloi to come to power or keep them in power. Example : Fake Surgical strike , Fake war against corruption, Fake promise to give 16 lakhs ( U$ 220K approx) in every account, Ram mandir banayenge..

BhajoPia : n.  An imaginary but unrealistic and stupid utopia imagined by Bhajapias where all rivers are interlinked, Pakistan, Afghanistan and Tibet are part of India, Entire economy is cashless, India becomes Hindu rashtra and Golwalkar becomes the father of the nation.

BhejaPhrenia  n. A disease where an afflicted person, typically a Bhajapia loses the coherence between thoughts, actions and logic. Example talks about large denomination of cash ( 500 and 1000) causing illicit economy and comes up with even larger denomination of notes viz 2000/=

BhajaPaploo : n  A shameless and incompetent replacement(Usually a Sanghi ) for an able professional at an exalted position who  disgraces the chair he sits own . A union of Bhajapia+Paploo (Impotent Person) example :  Gajendra Chauhan as FTII Director, Shanmugham ( Sex maniac) disgraced governor of Meghalaya and Arun jaitley, the FM

BhajaKti : n . A  devotional cult borrowed from ugliest, lowest, stupidest and crudest form of Hinduism where land units are maatas or pitas, water bodies are devtas(Gods), heterosexuality is a disease.

This is a WiP and ever evolving lexicon. Please feel free to add more terms, better definitions in the comments. If I find them good, I will include them in the main blog giving you the credit for coining that term.

The Paradox of Robinhood

Of all the popular fraud schemes Robin Hood theme continues to amaze and baffle me most.  It has defied time, mortality and eternity  and still  works in 21st century.  Robinhood continues to be the opium of the hoi-polloi or junta. It mesmerizes  and has a box office collection of few lakh crores in just first few weeks as against 100 crores Bollywood craves. Lets see how it works.

A Demagogue Jholelal Fakeer who claims a peasant background, typically has a beard, a 56 inch chest and looks like one shown below  declares:

looter

 He is attempting to  raid and rob the rich. Its a WAR // Rich are the biggest evil it doesnt matter that they are hardworking, smart  and intelligent. WAR cry invariably fools the fools

He  gives a hope of windfall wealth (say Rs 16 lakhs in cash), to each illiterate, lazy and brainless Gareeb (poor)..  They wont even have to move their ASS for it.

He  further promises to distribute the fruits of entire loot. Kaala dhan from kaale log will tana tan go to gareeb’s accounts JanDhan .  OMFG, this creates erection ( Entertainment) mightier than  the number “Chhamiya ki choli” item.  Fakeer knows he needs to deliver nothing. The drunken imbecile dolts are already doing Naagin dance and  high on this opium.

Pandemonium reigns. Popularity breaks the roofs…  Just 31% fools are enough to drown the remaining 69% population which can think. Fakeer grabs the power and continues to make an ass of fools

 Once ensconced, the scoundrel ( Fakeer) changes the gear. He actually does a raid and loot on the poor.  New and higher Cess  emerge. Higher and wider taxes are declared. Greater curbs are put on the cash. This brings majority of money from poor under Scoundrel’s control.

 Fakeer now lives in  a palatial million square feet bungalow, rides a fleet of BMW 750 i, and flies the world in luxury Chartered planes . All the while he maintains a mask of a Fakeer, a messiah and a humble peasant.

He subsequently  siphons the cash pile back to rich industrialists, bureaucrats, bankers and Pigs who were active or silent accomplishes in the fabled Robin hood raids. This siphoning is done in forms of loan restructuring, interest waivers and huge contracts (Statue making)

The scoundrels thus are Nibor Doohs (Robinhood spelled backwards) and paradoxically rob and kill the poor, not the other way as believed or preceived

Surgical strike on kaale bhooray

Mitron,

Approx 40 yrs ago, India was blessed with a great leader who was energetic vibrant, visionary and sexy.  Most of his followers believed that  He was God’s gift to the country and that he alone will power the country to be the next super power.

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This genius leader came to the conclusion that the biggest problem of the country was nothing other than ” Black brown population”.  Indians  were producing very large number of kaale, bhoore, chitkabrey  bachchey (children). This was leading to very large population. This large population was causing :

  1. Shortage of food, shelter, clothing
  2. Unemployment
  3. Crime
  4. Terrorism
  5.  Too much Sex and…. leading to
  6. More population // Now go back to 1 and repeat

This, he was convinced  is the root of all problems that it must be stopped. This menace of population was very big and while all his predecessors only talked about controlling population, God had chosen him to be the crusader against this menace… This was the time for him to take action.

He went ahead and declared that starting from next few hours,  producing of children is going out of circulation. While you can have sex but your balls need to be disconnected. The best thing folks could do is by going “Cashless ” ( oops)  ChanceLess sex.  This cutting of the pipeline of population will run for next 50 days. The citizens will face some inconvenience but in the long run it will be very good for the country.  Govt will come up with new denominations of hot pink condoms. The queues for such condoms will initially be large but gradually become small. All males above age of 21  who have already produced an offspring must be sterilized by doing vasectomy.

The chamchas  of the leader lost no time in lauding, applauding and rejoicing this move.     The dogs of this leader went full hog extolling/ barking the virtue of the biggest assault ever on  the largest problem of the country  i.e ” Black population”. This was the boldest move ever. People said – ” Bande mein hai dum ” . Lots of citizens said , we fully support the move, we are with this leader. Some wise men said they have no problem with this leader and only those who want to be noticed by going against the grain are groping his bums.   Every body must support this noble initiative. All the folks who opposed sterilization were branded anti national. The intent of leader was very good.

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Uttawar, a village 80 kilometers south of Delhi, woke up to the police loudspeakers at 3 a.m. Police gathered 400 men at the bus stop. In the process of finding more villagers, police broke in to homes and looted. Total of 800 forced sterilizations were done. It was a big assault on “Black /Brown population“.

During execution of this visionary move, a lot of young guys who were not even married were castrated. In some cases, some old men who were not even able stand up, let alone have sex were sterilized to meet the targets set by the visionary leader. Harijan, a 70-year-old with no teeth and bad eyesight, was sterilized forcefully.

The govt machinery was barely ready to do such massive scale of vasectomy. The processes were not calibrated and many people died of infection as necessary antiseptic were not available. Some LeaderBhakts claimed that in a great “Surgical strike” a little collateral damage was all ok.emergency

Some Media went ga ga on the brilliant master stroke to attack the “Black population ” … those who criticized were called “Paid media”, “AntiNational” or people filled with negativity. 1000s of justifications were provided on how great move this was. Genitals of 83 lakh Indians were “Surgically mutilated” . 1000s died and some Congtards claimed that case of death were really DUMB.

Donkeys brayed encomiums on the assault and composed poems. The Supreme court of the country said that they are not against Vasectomies and asked the govt to file an affidavit on steps it was taking to reduce the inconvenience during vasectomies. The attorney general asked the judge to visit the vasectomy center during lunch hours and see for themselves that folks were actually enjoying vasectomies. Govt docs were tickling their balls very well.  Some dudes were found on streets wearing Tees with message ” Proud to be castrated” …  singing anthems on Nas bandi – ” हर हर हो जी , घर घर हो जी ( Har har Ho jee, Ghar ghar Ho jee) ”  and ” बच्चे बिन अब , आने वाले हैं  (Bachche bin ab… aane waale hain)

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Some notable incidents

१. Shahu Ghalake, a peasant from Barsi in Maharashtra, was taken for sterilization. After mentioning the fact that he was already sterilized, he was beaten. He was sterilized for the second time

२. Hawa Singh, a young widower, from Pipli was taken from the bus against his will and sterilized. The infection took his life

There were off course some GhandiBhakts who voluntarily accepted vasectomy and encouraged other folks to do the same ( All in the long term interest of the nation ). It was also claimed in State media that people were eagerly queuing up to get vasectomized and queues were a few kilometers long.

Courts were forbidden to adjudicate on the complaints because this was the privilege of an elected govt.  This beautiful scheme however died a beautiful death and the visionary leader died a sudden death in helicopter crash.  The menace of population grew even bigger thereafter and it almost doubled in next decade.  #WTF

This population however paid great dividends when technology revolution happened. Instead of becoming a liability, the population paid rich demographic dividends and the country became the global hub of technology services…

The country moved ahead but after some years, a new root of all problems has been discovered. To solve that problem, its said the soul of dead Vidhata has entered a new Chhappan inch bold body avatar.

All the  Vidhata who were accomplices in that great endeavor probably have also taken rebirth and are busy extolling the virtues of a God’s gift to India again.His “Bold decision” is solving one more black problem in the long run.

Making sense of BLACK hoax

यह कहानी पूरी तरह से काल्पनिक है। इसका किसी जीवित अथवा मृत जंतु के कारनामों के मेल होना केवल संयोग है ।  इस कहानी  के लिखने की अवधि में किसी भक्त को नुक्सान पहुँचने की घटना नहीं है। कमजोर मस्तिष्क के भक्त कृपया आगे न पढें, जा के एक गिलास ताज़ा गौमूत्र पियें  ।
This is an act of fiction. The characters and incidents described in this story do not bear resemblance to any animal or place, living or comatose. No Bhakt was damaged or tortured during writing of this story. Stunted Bhakts should not proceed forward, they should go and drink a glass of fresh  piss of cow.
An attempt to write of financial crime thriller fiction stir fired with sarcasm and garnished with SEX
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~~~~~~~~~Warning .. Profane content ahead .. proceed at your own distaste~~~~~~~~
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Year 2014 , somewhere in a strawling metropolis, a Bhujju कटेल भाई named Phoosit  bootlicks and sucks up to mota bhai Muchesh Tampani. ( A Billionaire Big Bro)
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He sucks all the way up and becomes President of (Business !!!! Development) at Chori-liance Industries Ltd. Muchesh loves the way Phoosit hucks, so he decides to lift him up..
Phoosit edges up and soon and is recommended for the prestigious job of Deputy GabbarNar of AarBeeEye.  The recommendation of Mota Bhai is an order for the pugs in Belhi ( The top Ghetto ) .
Vaando chhe ki( Bhujju for “Trouble is”) AarBeeEye already has MAAACHO, tough, capable, rockstar, stud and high integrity GabbarNar in form of Baghuram Baajan ..
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Gaanda bhai  ro chance natthi (( Bhujju for younger bro stands no chance)
Now gaando bhai Phoosit goes and cries a gutter at mAntilla mansion in the city of Chombay . Mota bhai’s love surfaces. He calls up his pup Charendra Dodi in Belhi..and tells him to go with pug Charun Choosley and  cut the stud Baghuram to size.
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Pup Dodi and his pug Charun Choosley wag their tails and immediately start barking at Baghuram …Baghuram is rockstar with high self esteem. He roars back- PH*** YOU , HOLES and moves on. #BAGHEXIT happens
The canines are all joys, throw a bone chewing party. Scavenger gaanda Bhai Phoosit GabbarNar thai gyo( Has become). The first impotent AarBeeEye GabbarNar without B***S.  Bhujju land celebrates by drinking million gallons of sugar syrup on-the-rocks. Phoosit now is an indebted mole and informer of mota bhai in a critical place.
Mota bhai now dictates a script to be acted by Charendra and Phoosit. He has just launched a mega scheme Pio ( A free unlimited canabis drinking program for 3 months). The Pio is sucked up by most and is a pant changer. The era of cash for dope is gobar now ( Gobar = cow dung)
 In an evening in Belhi, Charendra open his ugly snoots, thumps his bums, shakes his.. you know what…  and vomits out the script of Motaa Bhai.
Person in authority is a blockhead.
 Hoi polloi are aroused. Seetis and taalis fill the skies, rivers and mountains… A rock band plays loud music on an anthem – Kachhe din ab aane waale hain ( Ahoy ! The days of underwear days are coming) .
Dopeys get high on Pio sponsored by Mota Bhai and served by sexy Charendra..Cries of protests from common men and chickens get drowned in the opprobrium of Suckts( Suckts= An endearing epithet for retards who suck up to Charendra).
With a flash of lightening, 72 Virgins appear. Hallucinations peak and Kachchhe din are in their hands. Virgins are all “Make in Bhindia”. Pandemonium reigns, the ensuing ejaculations from Suckts engulf the jal ,thal, aakash and paatal , in short, the entire firmament. Belhi gets enveloped in soopur soopur SMOG… but then in the delirium of such sexy evening- WHO THE CHUCK CARES