God of Cricket ! Top 10 reasons why Sachin Tendulkar is God

Disclaimer : This article was written on 29th Mar2011, 4 days before the cricket World cup final between India and Srilanka on 2nd April.  The facts or fables in this article are as heard from different sources. Author takes no responsibility for statistical accuracy of incidents. Any change in your religion after reading this should be your own mature decision. Author wont entertain claims of losses from religious heads for exodus of believers from their existing faiths to one and only  Supreme LIVING god.

Sachin Tendulkar definitely is one of the most prolific run getters in International cricket. He is an astute and consistent performer who continues to deliver at an age where people start looking for retirement plans, cataract surgery or marriage of their children . The matters of faith( Religion, Politics and Cricket) in India , however run to extremes and he is coronated as ‘God’ .   I have heard some beautiful things about him :

1 When god played Shoaib Akhter for the first time he was clean bowled and his middle stump rattled. You should remember, this is an avatar ..Ravans can always steal a cherry or more..

2. When god was chosen to lead , he said he couldnt handle the pressure of captaincy and wanted to concentrate on batting. God knows what he should do. HE  once chose to be a Saarathi ( Charioteer) in a famous battle rather than fight .

3. When the team was going through the crisis, Coach Greg Chappel told God that the team needs you to bat at #4. God said ,” I want to open” . The coach said , ” Its not what you want! Its where the team needs you “. God was silent, he waited for few minutes and then again said , ” But I want to open “. God used one of his Bhakts in BCCI to ensure that HIS interests can prevail above that of team.

4. Some year back it was 4th day of match and God was playing at 170*  and had added only 10 runs in next hour. The Captain Dravid , sent a message to speed up. God had his mind set up at his double century which he thought will come in few hours. The captain declared the innings closed. The God was shaken and bruised. India went on to win the test match. Two years later, the  God said that he still has pain of not having completed the Double century. Dont tell me gods dont cry or sulk. Rama had cried blood in his tears when beloved Sita was taken away from him

5. God wanted to avoid paying customs duty for the  Ferrari he got in return of endorsement. How audacious !!! Have you ever collected tax of Mandir Chadhava( Temple Offerings ) ? May the custom officials be consigned to HELL for this blasphemy

6. God in the World cup final against Australia in 2003 found that chasing 359 was too much of pressure and came back to pavillion in the first over itself. Antardhyan ( Disappearance ) is one of the arts of god

7. The Bhakts of God said, ” God will win the world cup for India ” , God is still trying to make a mark. In the semi final his strike rate was 75 where as Nawaab scored at the Strike rate of 150+  . God  played with mercy of 4 dropped catches  and comfortably went back to dressing room leaving the team reeling at 185/5 .. Another onslaught and we could have lost last 5 wickets at 10 a piece to  end up at 230. It was Raina who added those vital 29 to 30 runs which made the difference[ India actually won by 30 runs]. At the end , however if you have slightest chance of giving Man of Match to God , how can you give it to others ?  After all God’s devotees are all over; ICC president , BCCI president … The Bombay mafia in cricket willalways ensure god gets his due; fair and unfair should not be asked. Gods must get the first sweet whenever possible, impossible, regardless. // incidentally he failed miserably in the finals but was quick on the ground lifeted by chamchas as if he had won the finals

8. God opened up a restaurant and failed.  => Gods can fail.

9. God fires up against chickens like Kenya, Canada, Holland whenever he meets them on dead pitches. He has towering records against them. There he shows Viraat avatar

10  God is yet to save a test match for India or find a victory from brink of defeat… what we call a Chamatkar.. Incidentally, he doesnt figure any where in the list of 5 greatest cricketers of the century . http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wisden_Cricketers_of_the_Century HE is god after all , his pedestal cant be in list of mortal cricketers like Bradman, Sobers or Richards.   Wisden has not felt the need to christen ‘God of Cricket’ cause there is no contender. Lets garland him , he is beyond cricket.// 15 Mar12 : His inability to prevent 7 straight losses in England and Australia clearly that you cant expect to please GOD on fast pitches. Mediation happens only on slow, grass less flat pitches of sub continent and Sharjah, which dont even turn. Lord Narasimha decimated Hiranya kashipu at a right place at right time. HE settles for nothing less

The real religious chants follows on in the comments section 😉

PS :  the 11th bonus, god decided which series ,games  HE should play to make his 100th 100 sexy.. He tried it during tests in England tour ( Avoiding onedays ) and Australia tour ( Oh the Devils of Australia ) but it didnt work out. Flat is beautiful and what other honorable opponent than Bangladesh to achieve this feat.  Incidentally india lost that match too.  He explained the loss gracefully (Tooti sapaat wicket par, maine apna bhutta seka, Team ko jeetaaney kya liya hai maine theka ?) On a broken flat pitch I got my means;  Is it any of my concern to have the team win ?

Edit : 18 Nov 2013  God was not willing to retire and increase his career earnings but selectors threatened to drop him. When he was a non performer for over 12 tests , he agreed to retire IF ( he plays against a very weak opposition at as flat wickets as possible  and is able to complete one more individual milestone i.e 200 Tests , team concerns be damned )

Edit 21 Nov 2013 : This tehelka article delves deeper : http://www.tehelka.com/sachin-for-team-or-for-self/

Edit 31Jul2016 : God  wanted a Bharat Ratna, it was not possibble to give it to a sports person, so he greased the asses of Corrupt Congis to get himself  a Rajya sabha ticket as a Congi nominee. Within few months of accepting it, he got the Ratna award. he immediately started negliecting his duties as Rajya Sabha MP.  One author Chandral Thakor writes succinctly on how he was equally useless as a Rajya sabha MP. Read on :

https://www.quora.com/Who-is-the-most-useless-politician-of-India/answer/Chandral-Thakor