We, the left handers

” ये गांड हाथ से लिखता है , इसे सरस्वती क्या मिलेगी ( He writes with rectal hand, how will he get blessing of goddess Saraswati”)  I was crying, but they were all laughing out loud. The leader of bullying gang was my 40 yr old uncle, and there were 4 right handed cousins ( 8 to 15) all laughing at my tears..  This was around 40 yrs ago..

I was excited to carry my first guitar to school and had just taken my natural left hand grip.. ” What the hell is this ?  This is not how guitar is held “. My guitar teacher had pronounced my natural grip as wrong and cured me of it.

I have always struggled with large scissors, which are never made for left handers like me .. and same with vegetable peelers which are designed for right handed people only.

scissors

These incidents to correct our natural orientation remind me of the opening scene in the movie Immitation game where Alan Turing, the father of modern computing, takes suicide pills in protest against attempts of Govt to cure him of his homosexuality.. He dies of it. Turing was also a left hander.

We as left handers face a lot of other challenges as well

  1. Its hard to find left hand mouse. While you can change button but the ergonomics is always for the right handed people.
  2. Left hand golf clubs. I was cured of my golf stance on the first on greens
  3.  Cutlery, cell phone default interfaces.

While we adapt, our brains are more flexible.. and probably thats why we succeed, why is the world so inconsiderate to us ?

We forgive right wing bigots who try to cure us humans. We smile at their thoughts that we need a cure for our natural orientations..

However, today is World left handers day.  It celebrates our small population. We comprise approx 10 % of world population.  In India , we are <5  %  and face not only disadvantage but also stigma.  We,  the left handers adapt and work our way up. We do not ask for privileges, assembly seats or reservations.

Some of the left handers have done very well in life. 4 out 5 designers of Apple Mac were left handed. 5 out 7 last Presidents in USA including Obama have been left handed. Here I am listing ten of my favorite left handers and not so favorite ones in foot notes.

10  Laxmi Niwas Mittal : The emperor of steel world. I share with him Sadulpur town ( My maternal hometown) , my city of education ( Calcutta), my College ( St Xaviers College) .. He has been an awesome entrepreneur and I have been a failed one

mittal

9.Morgan Freeman :   From Shawshank redemption to  Million Dollar baby to Dark knight, his voice and poise make people fall in love movies

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8.Jimmy Hendrix :  Eric Clapton may be the god of guitar but no one strummed strings like him. One has to listen to some of his performances to see how a guitar can generate storm and frenzy both at the same time.  jimmy

7. Ratan Tata : Ratan joined as a shop floor manager when Tata group had 17+ satraps. Each one thought himself to be the king. He dealt with each one of them from Russi Modi to Cyrus Mistry with  laser focus and  controlled aggression. I admire his ethics and charm

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6. Bill Gates :  He has impacted world like no one else. I despised him from being an evil entrepreneur but his second inning has been phenomenal in philanthropy. His acquisitions like Skype, LinkedIn, Yammer, Lync ensures he touches the digital life of almost every human today.7-6-1170x753[1]

5. Jim Carrey : Possibly one of the best comedian and humorists of our age. Jim has almost redefined high energy comedy.

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4. Sunny Leone :  What a brave choice she made in career and chose to be a porn star. Today she resides in almost every male’s digital device and fantasies. Its interesting to see how she gave up porn when her objectives were met.

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3. Albert Einstein  : If there is one person who has become an icon of thinking, its him. Einstein famously said ” Knowledge takes you somewhere, Imagination takes you everywhere” His relativity and energy mass conversion theories today drives nuclear reactors, space travel and helps us understand our Universe better

Einstein

2.Julius Caesar  : The man who epitomizes courage and leadership and is immortal

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1. Wasim Akram  : I remember the site of bloodied face of K Shrikanth( Who was one of the most dreaded Indian opener) , I have witnessed Sunil Gavaskar who swore never to wear helmet, pick up  a skull cap. I had seen his electric bowling in world cup 1997 where he broke stumps.. Justifiably the most dreaded left arm bowler ever.. His batting too was often awe inspiring.

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Also its magical to see him in action :

I would also put Rafale Nadale at the same position and he sums up our predicament very well .

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Beyond the list…

Now my favorite left hander and one of the most profound thinker.

Beyond list

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There are left handers who are successful and I do not like them: Karan Johar, Amitabh Bachchan, Narendra Modi etc because of their poor ethics and value systems.

Now, interesting to look back and observe this:

The uncle who humiliated me for my left handedness, today has an undignified  old age.  Some of those bully boys couldnt event matriculate. One failed in high school and the other couldnt graduate after 4 attempts.

Even today they do not know that I use my right hand for wiping my ass 😀

My education is chronicled in LinkedIN 

 

PS: I now discover

(1)  Alan Turing was left handed

(2) Isaac Newton too

(3) Aristotle was lefty

( 4) Hold your breath Nicola Tesla too ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Spanish torture – one

You don’t have to project anything on screen”, the words came raining like   parabolic arrows from the minister sitting 20 feet across me.  They hit my forehead and stuck. Just a good vacuum cup of cellphone holder grabs to the windshield of a car, they stayed there holding my senses tightly. I was silenced.  I was watching the bald patch of this tall man as he drowned himself into reading the colored printouts of my deck.  His arrival into the conference room had brought in a death like silence in room which just seconds ago, was as boisterous as a kindergarten class in absence of a teacher.

I came to terms that I was not going to be allowed to talk today. Someone was consuming my work of over a month. I could hear my breaths. The tension in the room was palpable. Every pair of eyes was focused at the minister, raising his right hand to lick his middle and ring finger and then go down to turn the pages of the 12 slide deck.

There are only 2 outcomes as I was meeting a high influence person. An approval or a reprimand.  These were manifesting in my mind as:

  1. Be ready to be told, your work is CRAP”, said the Client manager as I finished my rehearsal before the meeting. “He is opinionated, has an aesthetic sense of his own and doesn’t mince words”.
  2. Your work is good “, he may say.

 

I was reveling on the later outcome.

SpanishTorture

 

He had devoured my work completely in not more than 10 minutes. “I am ready to take the decisions” , the minister rose up to say . “Project the options”. The verdict, the judgment was going to be out.  I would be vanquished or survive the judgment by a person as sharp as Ronaldo in the penalty area …

 

I rose up..

 

[To be continued…. ]

Then they wake up

First they deny‬ it
‪Then they huddle to save rapists‬

Then they cry Congi conspiracy ‬
‪Then they sing WhatAboutFuckery‬

Then they get shamed.‬
‪Then they get shit slammed

‬Then they get consumed by outrage‬
‪Then the courts  fuck them‬

Then they get in stony silence
‪Then their pooches turn verbally violent

‪Then they  fear sliding votebank
‪Then they are scared of losing power.

‪Then they open their smelly mouths‬
‪Then they shed their crocodile tears,

‪Then they say our folks were misled‬
‪Then they make their beasts resign

Then they tweet their fake empathy‬
‪Then they fart ugly  generalism‬

‪Then they open their jumla stock‬
‪Then they say its Everyone’s job(!!!)

Feku

‪#SexStarvedSanghiBeasts

Curious cases of trimmed beard crooks

A tight slap landed on the cheek of my elder cousin. It was my grandfather’s solid right hand with a 120 degree swing. He was all rage when he looked at him. An imprint of 5 fingers appeared on his cheek which was stylized like this

bearded

 

My cousin had just returned from a barber shop after getting his beard stylized and trimmed. I couldn’t fathom the reason for my grandpa’s raze and I didn’t have courage to ask him the reason for the assault.  The cousin went back to the barber shop and asked him to shave off his beard, leaving a clean trimmed mooches.

The question bugged me for days. I wondered about the extreme vexation of my grandfather but couldn’t reason it out .

On a happy day when he was in a playful mood, I asked him about the incident.  He told me that it was apa sanskriti( blasphemy) to keep a beard like that. Its not part of our ethos. I asked why. He said its against Hindu culture to trim and keep a beard like that. Either you let it grow naturally or you cut it off.  Only cheats manipulate it and keep it like that (trimmed) . As an upright Hindu, either you are clean shaven or keep a mouche or a beard in its natural state. He cited Tagore, Vashisht, Aurobindo as having natural untrimmed beard. Never trim it like an ugly crook if you have a character

He further showed me all the scriptures and books in his collection. From Vishnu, to Shiva to Indra to Ram to Yudhisthira to Parashuram to Ashoka to Chandaragupta, to Prithviraj to Rana Pratap to Shivaji to Chandrashekhar azaad to Bhagat Singh to Subhash Bose to Lal Bahadur Shastri . He said no man worth his character, ever kept a trimmed beard. As per him, it was a sign of a lout, a traitor or a treacherous jackal/wolf

I jogged my memory hard and was trying to find one icon who was adorable Hindu and kept a trimmed beard but couldn’t find even one. Some of the most repulsive characters in history books were shown to have trimmed beard and they included Alauddin Khilji and Shaista Khan. I finally gave up and accepted it as my grandfather’s hypothesis or pseudo science. A trimmed beard has little to do with misconduct.

Later in my life, my father got cheated by 2 folks and as matter of coincidence both of them had trimmed beard. I am curious if there ever has been a righteous Hindu who kept trimmed beard. As a rationalist, I do not see strong correlation between treachery and trimmed beard .

I  now realize that there is a filmstar who keeps a trimmed beard who owns a fleet of Mercs but cheats the govts by claiming that he is a farmer. He siphons of money from India to Panama and launders money big time. He has his name on paradise papers.

I know of a  liquor baron who has trimmed beard . He looted Indian banks and was nudged to fly away with 7 suit cases before he could be arrested. He has been a traitor and cheat of highest order.

I still believe that there may be very loose correlation between being  a Hindu male with trimmed bear and being a fraudster or a cheat. I have seen , only from a distance, a   trimmed stylized bearded politician  making ass of a billion Indians. He  has been selling   hallucinations of Achchhe din  and just making ass of a billion Indians.

 

Naturalist bows down

Continues from my last post 

My body has been medicine free for last 40 yrs “ boasted my father, while taking a sharp breath sounding like shoo, as the doctor injected the needle on his bum.

I have inherited this trait from my father. For the last few years ( 5+), I have gulped no medicine . Even when there was a 1.5 inch diameter wound on my knee, I trusted keeping it clean and open to facilitate natural self healing.  This time, however was different, a frozen spine and only 2 days left to fly. I had a choice to stick to my values or do something artificial to get going.  I tried various stretches, lying on the floor.  Pulling my knees towards the chest, on the same side and then other side. Crossing my ankle on other knee and pulling the knee again. Keeping the knees such that they made a triangle with ground and then twisting them side by side (Just as women do after child birth to get rid of belly fat). I tried touching my toes while feet outstretched but the gulf had grown to a feet plus. I just couldn’t do it. None of these could make me sit without pain.  Having tried balms, lotions, hot water bottle and cold pack, I finally decided to go and seek medical help.

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The orthopedic did his routine check and found no evidence of bone injury and concluded that it was muscular. I was ushered into a room of a physio therapist. She was a petite, young beauty, well built, muscular but this was no time to appreciate or revel in it.  She sensed the trauma I was in and made me lie face down.  As she rubbed electrolyte at various places on my back and attached electrodes, I told her of my plan of glacial trek. I requested her to do whatever in her control to ameliorate. I was not giving up on this trip. As she increased the impedance of the machine, the electrodes started oscillating at manic frequency. I shrieked in pain, as those impulse sent all my back muscles from behind my lungs to bums in a frenzy. Those electric impulses hit me like a storm. She stopped increasing the intensity. Here, I was undergoing heavy impulse vibrations on all my muscles which had pain trapped somewhere in them.

You will have to get it 3 times today and tomorrow and gulp these anti-inflammatory tablets to get anywhere even close to travel.  I was in a meek surrender and agreed to do whatever it takes.  Next 2 days were spent oscillating between home and physio therapy center. The medicines did their own thing. At end of the day 2 , she examined my back . I had healed completely and was cleared to take off.

I was on my way to solo travel to mystic Himalayas, totally happy of having gone beyond my basic belief to do a pragmatic thing.

Spine freezes over

July 2015, Pune : A needling pain rose up my spine, as I braked my car pulling up the parking ramp. As I turned off the ignition and took the keys out in my hand. I was still assessing the state of my back. I unlocked the door and tried to turn right, but found my torso frozen. My knee won’t come up without me pulling it up with both hands. This was an abject state of health which had come at the worst time.

Backpain

2 days from now, is my ticket to Chandigarh, my gateway to glacial mountain in Dharamshala, Himalayas. This is the trip, which had always eluded me and the one, my heart most desired.  Here I was, desirous of a treacherous trek when I was struggling even for basic body movement.

12 yrs ago, all alone in a hot and humid room at Bathinda, I had just finished reading “The razor’s edge” by Somerset Maugham. It’s a story of Larry Darrell, an American pilot traumatized by his experiences in World War I, who sets off in search of some transcendent meaning in his life.  Larry travels to India and takes a no cash trip to Himalayan forest and tries to survive on whatever he could get without spending money. I was inspired, I wanted to do something similar and being in India, I will only have to fly a few hours to do it.

I had made up my mind to go exploring the mountains immediately after quitting Air Force.  This, however was not destined to happen. On the day , I hung my uniform,  I didn’t have a job, had got married an year ago and was expecting my first child.  Life had planned an adventure of different kind for me then.

July 2015, this time, the setting was perfect. Between a job switch, I had planned a 15 day interval and I was absolutely sure, nothing would come between I and this experience.

Here I was, lying on my back on a hard floor, struggling with the pain which could possibly snatch my dream trip away..

Continued in my next post  ‘Naturalist bows down”

The Paradox of Robinhood

Of all the popular fraud schemes, Robin Hood theme continues to amaze and baffle me the most.  It has defied time, mortality and eternity  and still  works in 21st century.  

Robinhood continues to be the opium of the hoi-polloi . He mesmerizes  and has a box office collection of few lakh crores as against 100 crores Bollywood craves. Lets see how it works.

A Demagogue Jholelal Fakeer who claims a peasant background, typically has a trimmed beard, a  fake 56 inch chest and may looks like the one  below. He  declares:

looter

 He is launching a WAR against the rich.  This war  will  give a  of windfall wealth (say Rs 16 lakhs in cash), to each idiot, lazy and brainless Gareeb (poor)..  Nobody will  even have to move even their ASS for.The organized loot and plunder he will do, will be distributed . Kaala dhan from kaale log will tana tan flow into to gareeb’s accounts JanDhan .

 OMFG (Oh my fucking god), this creates mammoth erection among all bhakts and dolts. .  Fakeer smiles inwards as he knows, he needs to deliver nothing. The drunken imbecile dolts are already doing Naagin dance and  high on this opium.

Pandemonium reigns. Popularity breaks the roofs…  Just 31% fools are enough to drown the remaining 69% population which can think. Fakeer grabs the power and continues to make an ass of fools

 Once ensconced, the scoundrel ( Fakeer) changes the gear. He actually does a raid and loots on the poor. In the suffering, he tells the idiots that they are doing a service to nation.  New and higher cess  emerge on every thing. Higher and wider taxes are declared. Greater curbs are put on the cash. This brings majority of money from poor under Scoundrel’s control.

  The Fakeer now starts living in  a palatial million square feet bungalow in a top metro, wears Rs 12 lakh suits, rides a fleet of BMW 750i,  flies the world in luxury Chartered planes. As a homo throws himself on any sexy male he encounters. All the while he maintains a mask of a Fakeer, a messiah and a humble peasant.

He subsequently  siphons the cash pile back to rich industrialists, bureaucrats, bankers and Pigs who were active or silent accomplishes in the fabled Robin hood raids. This siphoning is done in forms of loan restructuring, interest waivers and huge contracts (Statue making)

The scoundrels thus are Nibor Dooh (Robinhood spelled backwards) and paradoxically rob and kill the poor, not the other way as believed or perceived.