Curious cases of trimmed beard crooks

A tight slap landed on the cheek of my elder cousin. It was my grandfather’s solid right hand with a 120 degree swing. He was all rage when he looked at him. An imprint of 5 fingers appeared on his cheek which was stylized like this

 

My cousin had just returned from a barber shop after getting his beard stylized and trimmed. I couldn’t fathom the reason for my grandpa’s raze and I didn’t have courage to ask him the reason for the assault.  The cousin went back to the barber shop and asked him to shave off his beard, leaving a clean trimmed mooches.

The question bugged me for days. I wondered about the extreme vexation of my grandfather but couldn’t reason it out .

On a happy day when he was in a playful mood, I asked him about the incident.  He told me that it was apa sanskriti( blasphemy) to keep a beard like that. Its not part of our ethos. I asked why. He said its against Hindu culture to trim and keep a beard like that. Either you let it grow naturally or you cut it off.  Only cheats manipulate it and keep it like that (trimmed) . As an upright Hindu, either you are clean shaven or keep a mouche or a beard in its natural state. He cited Tagore, Vashisht, Aurobindo as having natural untrimmed beard. Never trim it like an ugly crook if you have a character

He further showed me all the scriptures and books in his collection. From Vishnu, to Shiva to Indra to Ram to Yudhisthira to Parashuram to Ashoka to Chandaragupta, to Prithviraj to Rana Pratap to Shivaji to Chandrashekhar azaad to Bhagat Singh to Subhash Bose to Lal Bahadur Shastri . He said no man worth his character, ever kept a trimmed beard. As per him, it was a sign of a lout, a traitor or a treacherous jackal/wolf

I jogged my memory hard and was trying to find one icon who was adorable Hindu and kept a trimmed beard but couldn’t find even one. Some of the most repulsive characters in history books were shown to have trimmed beard and they included Alauddin Khilji and Shaista Khan. I finally gave up and accepted it as my grandfather’s hypothesis or pseudo science. A trimmed beard has little to do with misconduct.

Later in my life, my father got cheated by 2 folks and as matter of coincidence both of them had trimmed beard. I am curious if there ever has been a righteous Hindu who kept trimmed beard. As a rationalist, I do not see strong correlation between treachery and trimmed beard .

I  now realize that there is a filmstar who keeps a trimmed beard who owns a fleet of Mercs but cheats the govts by claiming that he is a farmer. He siphons of money from India to Panama and launders money big time. He has his name on paradise papers.

I know of a  liquor baron who has trimmed beard . He looted Indian banks and was nudged to fly away with 7 suit cases before he could be arrested. He has been a traitor and cheat of highest order.

I still believe that there may be very loose correlation between being  a Hindu male with trimmed bear and being a fraudster or a cheat. I have seen , only from a distance, a   trimmed stylized bearded politician  making ass of a billion Indians. He  has been selling   hallucinations of Achchhe din  and just making ass of a billion Indians.

 

Nation of stupids

“Who do you have your national rivalry with ? ” I asked the tall Dutch man at our first dinner outing in Amsterdam. He almost looked like Tom Cruise ( Somewhat like this image)

I was expecting something to the tune of our angst against Pakistanis, but the reason he gave, shocked me. ” Belgians“, he immediately responded.
” Belgians are stupid ” he said and gave no further elaboration.

Next afternoon, I met Mabeen, a 5’11” Dutch project manager who was wearing almost 4″  stiletto.  She, I heard was a fencing pro. A modern version of this lady

I do not remember the context
but I do remember she telling a joke . It ended with she lolling ” Belgians are stupid. ”

I recall that later in the night, our customer had arrived.  He was a Belgian. He didn’t have demeanor of a a suave person.  Our conversations veered over Amstel beer and cheese and there was a point where he exclaimed , ” The Dutch think , we are stupids”

I was still wondering if a nation can be collectively stupid.

Few months passed. I was at SAP campus for a meeting of Ux( User Experience) leaders in Bangalore. The conversation was on – ” What can be a particular India Ux strategy? What is it which works no where in world but works in India?”

I heard something very interesting and here it is –

” Indians are stupid. You ask them their cell phone number for anything and they provide it without even thinking “.

On the way back, I stepped into a general store More. I saw a man , approx 25, buying a chocolate. The counter guy asked for his mobile number.

“98*** ***** “,  was the sound I heard.

The naked truth of 7% GDP-How Modi fooled the FOOLS

#DeModiapa  or note ban  has been one of the biggest folly of Feku but come UP elections and he had to fool the middle class to believe that All is well with his shit..

To bring credibility to his idiocy he is adept at making use of holy cows.

First he hid behind army to claim success of fake #Furgical Strike. He has no evidence or facts to show what was done or not done.

Now, he has  tried to use the Central Statistical Organization ( CSO) to put sand over his shit..  So how did he manage to fudge the GDP growth data ? Read on as I try to pull his pants down to expose the statistical fraud.

1. 45% of Indian Economy in unorganized ( Read road side shops, low wage workers, village trade, non taxable trade etc)

2. CSO doesnt measure informal economy directly but makes assumptions to gauge its value. This is done by approximating it as a fraction of Organized economy i.e 81.818% of organized economy.

3. Rural economy was worst affected by #DeModiapa as these folks didnt get paid. Estimates tell, it shrunk by 20 to 30%

4. Through his Stooge minister Sadananda Gauda,  Modi asked the CSO to continue to use the same assumption, thus showing no decline in unorganized sector. // This is the ghotala source

5. He showed an increase in Govt spending to account for decreased industrial production.

6. In the immediate aftermath of #DeModiapa, gold buying peaked up in markets. The cost of gold skyrocketed from Rs 25,000/ 10g to Rs 65k/ 10g. Apple iPhones were bought in dozens creating all time high sales for Apple in India. Luxury vacations, over seas air tickets were bought. This increased buying was used to show that consumer spending didnt go down..// High spending on gold and shady products ofsetted the low spending on consumer products.

So, now we know what Feku did this summer, just before UP elections, to fool the FOOLS that Demonetization shit doesnt stink.  He did throw some sand on his crap and Bhakts went ahead saying Herculean chootiyapa had no effect.  Yes, it was not crap till you dont remove this layer of sand or pull his kurta up.

The melting of right thumb

 On either side of Indo -Pak border nowadays is being  cooked propaganda . The one that makes the respective govt look sexier..On India side, the factory of lies is made to make Modi ji look like a Rambo PM (which he is not) , on the Paki side its designed to make General Raheel Sharif look like Napoleon ( Which he cant be).

Let dissect the state, find its genesis and take the gas out of uber blown intestines of propaganda spreaders.

In my objective view, both may be  compulsively lying or telling half truths or exaggerating facts to further vested interests..

The truth is : Somewhere in between..

Media (Both electronic and print) is a whore. Its fueled by massive ad budgets of Govts ( 1000s of Crores of front page ads) but I am sad to see that Army  Officers ( Holi cows) are being used as tool to spread falsehood. Lets look at the philosophical angle to understand it and what else can be a better reference than the biggest epic of war- Mahabharata..

In the middle of the battle, Pandavs realized that they cant get better of their own warrior Guru Dronacharya. He was inflicting heavy damage to Pandavs after Duryodhan insulted him of lacking motivation to fight  his favorite pupil Arjun.

 Krishna ran out of ethical ideas to rein in Drona whose battle focus was immaculate.. The only way to get better of him was .. not to attack him physically but attack his brain.. Krishna was big schemer.. and here is the wicked plot he cooked:

“Drona loves his son Ashwatthama.  He is currently in jungle. If somehow we can fool Drona and convince him that his son is dead,  he will be heart broken and mentally upset . His inability to focus on war thereafter will break his defense. Thats the time Arjun’s arrows will find him. I suggest going to forest, finding an elephant, naming it Ashwatthama and then killing it. A convoluted announcement from a person Drona finds credible will do the trick.”

Why do all this ?  

Everyone in Pandav camp because of jumlas and lies had lost their credibility. The only compulsively truthful person was Yudhisthir and the belief was that he wont lie under any circumstances. Krishna approached him with a proposal of not telling a lie but this half truth. The announcement he was expected to make was

अश्वथामा हथो वा नरो कुंजरो ( Ahwathama has died, it may be an elephant or a human) .// Something like, we crossed the border and inflicted significant casualties, they may be terrorists or soldiers

Yudhisthir had objection to this also. He didnt want to be perceived clearly as a liar even in retrospect. So Krishna offered to get 100s of nagaadabajs to play  loud BANG – BANG when the twisty elephant/human words get spoken. The only thing Drona would hear is : Ashwatthama dead. This was the first honesty- integrity compromise by Yudhisthira.  The trick worked and next day Dronacharya was arrowed to death by Arjun.

Now coming back to claim of Surgical strikes jingoism, the nagaadas are our paid media.  The ministers of Modi ji are Jumlebaaz Pandavs whose pronouncements Indian citizens  do not trust. The forest is border across LoC  and the Ashwatthama killed may not be the terrorists claimed to be killed but monkeys or mosquitoes.

 We the citizens are Dronas and the literal “killing” here is killing our aversion to the distrust in govt.. ..  The drums being played may be the Bhaktards, moles or paid agents on social media.

 Apart from the desired outcome of killing Drona, the Dharmaraj who spoke fabricated  truth  figured out later that the thumb on his right hand had melted away.

The DGMO guy from army and the MEA guy  and who claimed the “Surgical Strike” during press conference, should in my view, should have a take care of their RIGHT thumb.

Many gullible Dronas amongst us may have already succumb..

X reasons why in my view everyone must have a Himalayan experience .

When I was planning to quit Air Force, I’d think, I will not take up a job immediately after 6 yrs of service. I would spend a few months in Himalayas as a nomad before getting domesticated again.

As my luck would have it, I got married an year before release and was expecting our first child at the time of hanging my uniform. I was the breadwinner and hence reined into the cart.

Next,  as my wife started working and we got financially stable, I thought,  now I will travel alone. Acquisition of babies, car loan and homeloan meant, I had little to play around.  Most of the vacations were spent taking kids to beaches and hill stations nearby Pune. The stuff  just wasn’t just working out .

Why did I have that deep longings towards these peaks ?

1. They are the biggest thing on earth, are mighty, they daunt and taunt me.
2. Himalayas are full of evergreens and full of snow. To me its life showing extreme resilience and unending youth.
3. They appear symbolic of some big mission in life. Reaching the top is symptomatic of success and they appear doable.
4. Scaling them can almost kill you ( Low Oxygen, cold weather, treacherous gorges) . Also, I believe, what almost kills you makes stronger. I think going on top will build robust mental muscle.
5. I can come back and tell some interesting stories to friends, kids and everyone. It can be inspirational

I have a few questions for you.

Do Himalayas taunt you ?

Do they intimidate and mock you ?

Do they invite you to view the world from top?

Do you think one day you can and will scale them ?

Do they attract and seduce you ?

What do you think when you see the images of mighty  Himalayas ?

In this series of posts I am going to write about some of the most life enriching experience I had while doing a glacial trek and how it influences my life down in the plains.

Dear Omar Abdullah, no more diapers for you now.

“Ëither Article 370 stays or Kashimir will not be part of India“- tweeted Omar Abdullah and it got me into recollecting Nawabjadas born into a ancestral property and too spoilt to see reason. To me he appears like another pappu ( A Kashmiri one) who has been pampered a lot. A baby in infancy is given a lot of cool things. Some examples are:

• Umblical chord in womb (Direct delivery of nutrients to stomach, no need to masticate),
• Breast feed (Optimally warm, sweet milk from uber soft nipples),
• Diapers ( Freely do potty and susu whenever and wherever kid wants), and
• A milk bottle ( Kid still gets almost same pleasure as sucking on to a human nipple) etc.

All these baby stuff are good, pleasure some and are needed in those specific periods. Kids body, with this support,happiness and pleasure grows faster to soon become independent of them.

 There are however, some abnormal kids who get addicted and continue using them till they are 6 -7 years or even 12 years old. Is it not embarrassing for parents that their kid still drinks milk from poopsee , wets his pants, needs diapers or sucks thumb?

Why despite the physical age, the addiction and dependence with some kids just doesnt go away?  Is  it not the right time, for the parents to play hardball in the best interest of the kid and tell him NO means NO?

We all know this but why is it important today?

Doesnt Bhai Omar Abdullah appears to have physically grown beyond puberty?  At ripe age of 44 does he not have hairs in arm pits and elsewhere? Some grey streaks are visible on his head but has he grown mentally? He says that the only link between him and his mom (the mother India) is article 370.  Either this chord stays, or he is not son of his mother. It ends every thing for him ( and Kashmir).

  Is  this not exactly how a baby out of mother’s womb feels ? The umblical chord is what he thinks keeps him alive should just stay forever.He is crying, threatening, throwing tantrums, rolling on the floor, sucking his thumb all the while like Auro in Paa .

Is this article 370 not like diaper he thinks he  just cant live without. Baby Mehbooba too has joined the chorus. No body should take away their diapers, no body should cut the chords, no body should take away the poopsee bottle. Omar bhai! you and Kashmir have physically been out of womb for 40 and 54 years respectively. Has he  not grown beyond those susu in chaddi days?

Believe  us you dont need this diaper. We understand that you will cry and be angry with us when we cut it. You will rant when we make you wear pants. You will curse us when we ask you to drink milk from glass but bear with us we have to do this now.

.

Did the Dhais ( Congressis and Sonia Mayya)  not let you suck thumb for ages because they always knew you are not their real son?  Were they not getting paid ( Looting the nation) while you reveled in infancy.The longer your infancy, the higher was their meter down  and hence better their career earning(Votebank)

You are not used to live without diaper, it will hurt, it will feel unusual for few days, it will make you uncomfortable but do not worry, you will get used to it and grow up for your own sake. We all have given them up at some stage of life.

 

10 Candidates whose defeat will send a very progressive message from India

There are some candidates who must win to have a progressive India.  Good people who have served the nation and have done a remarkable job must win. Alas,  politics is always infested with dirt. These dirts also win and shake the faith of  people in democracy. Like in movies we want villains to die horrible death, as citizens we want stinking politicos to face horrible defeats. Wrong people winning because of money or muscle, or sperm source lead to fatalism in citizens. We all secretly and at heart wish they must lose. I know all 10 will not lose and we will never have perfect 10 but higher the score better it is.

Ugly politicians

Here are my top 10 must lose candidates and the reason why they must lose( Cutting across party lines) :

10. Ashok Chavan ( Nanded )- Congress  : The Adarsh tainted former Maharshtra CM must bite the dust to leave a 5 finger slap mark on cheek of Sonia. She was showing legality to field him overlooking propriety of criminal conduct. Janta tumhein maaf nahi karegi

9.  L K Advani  ( Gandhi Nagar ) – BJP  : The symbol of political lust must lose from Gandhinagar to give a strong message that  there is a sunset age for most demanding profession. At age of 86 , rust, lust must bite the dust. go look after your grandchildren old man. Make way

8   Kapil Sibbal  ( Chandni Chowk ) Congress : He had been one of the most hated figures for his arrogance. At one of the visits to Chandni chowk after an accident, public was so angry that he was not even allowed to come out of his car. He must loose to bring in humility in politicians.

7.  Jaswant Singh ( Jaisalmer ) Gaddar independent :  This was political ambition at its ugliest. The person who derived all the maal from the party when he could and when denied a ticket, rebelled and contested as independent. This is worst show of indiscipline. People must teach him a lesson

6. Shazia Ilmi  Malik( Ghaziabad   )  AAP  : One of the worst b****s in the politics who was advocating muslims to go communal in this election. A tight slap on her face will keep all the candidates sane in forthcoming elections.

5. Supriya Sule  ( Baramati )  NCP and other litters of big polticos : She and like other like her are infesting the political firmament and treat LS constituencies as  a Baap ki  jaageer. Her idiot cousin was threatening the voters ( Bahut masti chadhi hai kya..? Agar Supriya ko vote nahi diya to paani kaat doonga ). Other must loose in the same category are Milind( Koila Chor) Deora, Priya( Parole buying)Dutt, Sachin( Chikna) Pilot, Jyoti(Baba) Scindia, Kanimozhi ( spectrumChor), Omar( Abdulla, Abhijeet Mukherjee, Sandeep Deepshit, Jr Chidambaram, Varun (Retard) Gandhi . The message to buggers should be :  You have all the wealth and capacity to become a scientist, musician , author, sportsperson, or a artist. Dont spoil our taste by showing us your ugly pedigree.

4.  Arvind Kejriwal ( Varanasi )  AAP  : The nautanki-baaj just got too greedy after limited Delhi success. He got intoxicated and drunk with small success to think he had everything in his pocket.  Thriving on nuisance value, he has grabbed TV time by just contesting NaMO.

3. Owl Gandi ( Amethi)  Congress :  He is one of the biggest human waste to ever come out of a human. Good for nothing moron must loose for never visiting his constituency in last 5 yrs and being the most inactive MP in Loksabha in this term.

2.  Sonia Gandi ( Rae Bareilly ) Congress :  For showing her ugly colors of bribing the Shahi Imaam of Jama masjid  and seeking muslim votes under a secret deal. It was politics of the worst kind.

1. Narendra Modi ( Baroda )  Gujarat :  A PM candidate who is so unsure about his place, wants to make a political statement from a religious city, holds on to CM , MLA post and is most likely to divorce this city if wining from both . Baroda guys must hit back for being made to feel like a second wife.

 

What are your choices for must lose candidates ?

Who among these 10 you think should not lose for the reasons mentioned?

What do you think the correct message score of this election will be out of 10 ?

Interested to know your thoughts.