Curious cases of trimmed beard crooks

A tight slap landed on the cheek of my elder cousin. It was my grandfather’s solid right hand with a 120 degree swing. He was all rage when he looked at him. An imprint of 5 fingers appeared on his cheek which was stylized like this

bearded

 

My cousin had just returned from a barber shop after getting his beard stylized and trimmed. I couldn’t fathom the reason for my grandpa’s raze and I didn’t have courage to ask him the reason for the assault.  The cousin went back to the barber shop and asked him to shave off his beard, leaving a clean trimmed mooches.

The question bugged me for days. I wondered about the extreme vexation of my grandfather but couldn’t reason it out .

On a happy day when he was in a playful mood, I asked him about the incident.  He told me that it was apa sanskriti( blasphemy) to keep a beard like that. Its not part of our ethos. I asked why. He said its against Hindu culture to trim and keep a beard like that. Either you let it grow naturally or you cut it off.  Only cheats manipulate it and keep it like that (trimmed) . As an upright Hindu, either you are clean shaven or keep a mouche or a beard in its natural state. He cited Tagore, Vashisht, Aurobindo as having natural untrimmed beard. Never trim it like an ugly crook if you have a character

He further showed me all the scriptures and books in his collection. From Vishnu, to Shiva to Indra to Ram to Yudhisthira to Parashuram to Ashoka to Chandaragupta, to Prithviraj to Rana Pratap to Shivaji to Chandrashekhar azaad to Bhagat Singh to Subhash Bose to Lal Bahadur Shastri . He said no man worth his character, ever kept a trimmed beard. As per him, it was a sign of a lout, a traitor or a treacherous jackal/wolf

I jogged my memory hard and was trying to find one icon who was adorable Hindu and kept a trimmed beard but couldn’t find even one. Some of the most repulsive characters in history books were shown to have trimmed beard and they included Alauddin Khilji and Shaista Khan. I finally gave up and accepted it as my grandfather’s hypothesis or pseudo science. A trimmed beard has little to do with misconduct.

Later in my life, my father got cheated by 2 folks and as matter of coincidence both of them had trimmed beard. I am curious if there ever has been a righteous Hindu who kept trimmed beard. As a rationalist, I do not see strong correlation between treachery and trimmed beard .

I  now realize that there is a filmstar who keeps a trimmed beard who owns a fleet of Mercs but cheats the govts by claiming that he is a farmer. He siphons of money from India to Panama and launders money big time. He has his name on paradise papers.

I know of a  liquor baron who has trimmed beard . He looted Indian banks and was nudged to fly away with 7 suit cases before he could be arrested. He has been a traitor and cheat of highest order.

I still believe that there may be very loose correlation between being  a Hindu male with trimmed bear and being a fraudster or a cheat. I have seen , only from a distance, a   trimmed stylized bearded politician  making ass of a billion Indians. He  has been selling   hallucinations of Achchhe din  and just making ass of a billion Indians.

 

Nation of stupids

Who do you have your national rivalry with ? ” I asked the tall Dutch man at our first dinner outing in Amsterdam. He almost looked like Tom Cruise ( Somewhat like this image)

realistic-painting-of-a-dutch-man-337-p
I was expecting something to the tune of our angst against Pakistanis, but the reason he gave, shocked me. ” Belgians“, he immediately responded.
Belgians are stupid ” he said and gave no further elaboration.

Next afternoon, I met Mabeen, a 5’11” Dutch project manager who was wearing almost 4″  stiletto.  She, I heard was a fencing pro. A modern version of this lady

img_20160202_084543

I do not remember the context
but I do remember she telling a joke . It ended with she lolling ” Belgians are stupid. ”

I recall that later in the night, our customer had arrived.  He was a Belgian. He didn’t have demeanor of a a suave person.  Our conversations veered over Amstel beer and cheese and there was a point where he exclaimed , ” The Dutch think , we are stupids

I was still wondering if a nation can be collectively stupid.

Few months passed. I was at SAP campus for a meeting of Ux( User Experience) leaders in Bangalore. The conversation was on – ” What can be a particular India Ux strategy? What is it which works no where in world but works in India?”

I heard something very interesting and here it is –

Indians are stupid. You ask them their cell phone number for anything and they provide it without even thinking “.

On the way back, I stepped into a general store More. I saw a man , approx 25, buying a chocolate. The counter guy asked for his mobile number.

98*** ***** “,  was the sound I heard.

The Paradox of Robinhood

Of all the popular fraud schemes, Robin Hood theme continues to amaze and baffle me the most.  It has defied time, mortality and eternity  and still  works in 21st century.  

Robinhood continues to be the opium of the hoi-polloi . He mesmerizes  and has a box office collection of few lakh crores as against 100 crores Bollywood craves. Lets see how it works.

A Demagogue Jholelal Fakeer who claims a peasant background, typically has a trimmed beard, a  fake 56 inch chest and may looks like the one  below. He  declares:

looter

 He is launching a WAR against the rich.  This war  will  give a  of windfall wealth (say Rs 16 lakhs in cash), to each idiot, lazy and brainless Gareeb (poor)..  Nobody will  even have to move even their ASS for.The organized loot and plunder he will do, will be distributed . Kaala dhan from kaale log will tana tan flow into to gareeb’s accounts JanDhan .

 OMFG (Oh my fucking god), this creates mammoth erection among all bhakts and dolts. .  Fakeer smiles inwards as he knows, he needs to deliver nothing. The drunken imbecile dolts are already doing Naagin dance and  high on this opium.

Pandemonium reigns. Popularity breaks the roofs…  Just 31% fools are enough to drown the remaining 69% population which can think. Fakeer grabs the power and continues to make an ass of fools

 Once ensconced, the scoundrel ( Fakeer) changes the gear. He actually does a raid and loots on the poor. In the suffering, he tells the idiots that they are doing a service to nation.  New and higher cess  emerge on every thing. Higher and wider taxes are declared. Greater curbs are put on the cash. This brings majority of money from poor under Scoundrel’s control.

  The Fakeer now starts living in  a palatial million square feet bungalow in a top metro, wears Rs 12 lakh suits, rides a fleet of BMW 750i,  flies the world in luxury Chartered planes. As a homo throws himself on any sexy male he encounters. All the while he maintains a mask of a Fakeer, a messiah and a humble peasant.

He subsequently  siphons the cash pile back to rich industrialists, bureaucrats, bankers and Pigs who were active or silent accomplishes in the fabled Robin hood raids. This siphoning is done in forms of loan restructuring, interest waivers and huge contracts (Statue making)

The scoundrels thus are Nibor Dooh (Robinhood spelled backwards) and paradoxically rob and kill the poor, not the other way as believed or perceived.

The melting of right thumb

 On either side of Indo -Pak border nowadays is being  cooked propaganda . The one that makes the respective govt look sexier..On India side, the factory of lies is made to make Modi ji look like a Rambo PM (which he is not) , on the Paki side its designed to make General Raheel Sharif look like Napoleon ( Which he cant be).
Let dissect the state, find its genesis and take the gas out of uber blown intestines of propaganda spreaders.
In my objective view, both may be  compulsively lying or telling half truths or exaggerating facts to further vested interests..

The truth is : Somewhere in between..

Media (Both electronic and print) is a whore. Its fueled by massive ad budgets of Govts ( 1000s of Crores of front page ads) but I am sad to see that Army  Officers ( Holi cows) are being used as tool to spread falsehood. Lets look at the philosophical angle to understand it and what else can be a better reference than the biggest epic of war- Mahabharata..
In the middle of the battle, Pandavs realized that they cant get better of their own warrior Guru Dronacharya. He was inflicting heavy damage to Pandavs after Duryodhan insulted him of lacking motivation to fight  his favorite pupil Arjun.
dronacharya_by_saryth
 Krishna ran out of ethical ideas to rein in Drona whose battle focus was immaculate.. The only way to get better of him was .. not to attack him physically but attack his brain.. Krishna was big schemer.. and here is the wicked plot he cooked:
“Drona loves his son Ashwatthama.  He is currently in jungle. If somehow we can fool Drona and convince him that his son is dead,  he will be heart broken and mentally upset . His inability to focus on war thereafter will break his defense. Thats the time Arjun’s arrows will find him. I suggest going to forest, finding an elephant, naming it Ashwatthama and then killing it. A convoluted announcement from a person Drona finds credible will do the trick.”
Why do all this ?  
Everyone in Pandav camp because of jumlas and lies had lost their credibility. The only compulsively truthful person was Yudhisthir and the belief was that he wont lie under any circumstances. Krishna approached him with a proposal of not telling a lie but this half truth. The announcement he was expected to make was
अश्वथामा हथो वा नरो कुंजरो ( Ahwathama has died, it may be an elephant or a human) .// Something like, we crossed the border and inflicted significant casualties, they may be terrorists or soldiers
Yudhisthir had objection to this also. He didnt want to be perceived clearly as a liar even in retrospect. So Krishna offered to get 100s of nagaadabajs to play  loud BANG – BANG when the twisty elephant/human words get spoken. The only thing Drona would hear is : Ashwatthama dead. This was the first honesty- integrity compromise by Yudhisthira.  The trick worked and next day Dronacharya was arrowed to death by Arjun.
Now coming back to claim of Surgical strikes jingoism, the nagaadas are our paid media.  The ministers of Modi ji are Jumlebaaz Pandavs whose pronouncements Indian citizens  do not trust. The forest is border across LoC  and the Ashwatthama killed may not be the terrorists claimed to be killed but monkeys or mosquitoes.
 We the citizens are Dronas and the literal “killing” here is killing our aversion to the distrust in govt.. ..  The drums being played may be the Bhaktards, moles or paid agents on social media.
 Apart from the desired outcome of killing Drona, the Dharmaraj who spoke fabricated  truth  figured out later that the thumb on his right hand had melted away.
The DGMO guy from army and the MEA guy  and who claimed the “Surgical Strike” during press conference, should in my view, should have a take care of their RIGHT thumb.
Many gullible Dronas amongst us may have already succumb..

Mrs India and the Rascal

Mr G India is on a romantic road, walking hand in hand with his beautiful wife.. They have been married for 2 yrs now . 
lovers-walk
 
Suddenly a rascal appears from behind. He hugs his wife (Mrs India) and then starts smooching her. Its not one but 17 solid smooches in 3 minutes all over.. There are more things Mr Rascal is doing but I wont go into those graphic details just for now.. 
 
Mr India is embarased. He wonders, what can he do ?
 
He knows that this Rascal, in his pocket, has a “Lambi gun“.
 
Mr India also has a gun in his pocket. Its definitely a “Bigger gun” and he is aware of it . He inserts his hands in pocket and pulls out.
 
He starts shooting, the rascal ….. not with his gun but with his iPhone 7. The 12 MP dual rear camera with telephoto lens vividly starts capturing the video. Mr India will include this in a Dossier of proof he will show to the Rascal after he is done with the act.
 
Needless to say, Mr India had also shared with Rascal, the videos of previous occasions when Rascal had smooched/ kissed and .. his wife. Its another story that Rascal demanded that he should  visit Mr India’s home and see all the areas of Mrs India’s body where there are evidences of assault i.e  love bites, bruises etc.
Mr India obliged to this request. Rascal came to India house.. did a deep inspection on Mrs India’s body. He said nothing at their house but after he went back, he declared that, the love bites, bruises on Mrs India’s body were all staged.. These a result of violent love making by Mr India himself.
 
Coming back to current molestation, Mr India  has disengaged Mr Rascal and has captured some cognizable evidences. Having done the ceremonial “CONDEMN” of Mr Rascal, he plans to make MMS of this incident and make it go viral. This will help him get condom (oops) “CONDEMN” from all the rich phamous and powerFools …..
 
The biggest dilemma of Mr India is :
 
If he confronts the molester head on, Rascal’s best friend Mr China may screw him from behind. Mr India currently doesn’t have capability to handle dual assault. His fight doctrine says, he can only handle one assault at a time..  Fight can only be with either Mr Rascal or Mr China, not both together . Apart from this, confrontation time means Mr India cant open his grocery shop and that means losing money ( A big crime for Mr Grocer India’s value system)
 
So as of now , the best course of action for him is to :
a) Cry loudly … keeping the tail nicely tucked between the legs.
 
b) Do all the talks : Something like, I will deal with Mr Rascal at the time of my chosing // This means people should not keep asking him how he avenges molestation of his beautiful wifey ..
 
c) Isolate Mr Rascal:  Get him named as a habitual molester or rapist of worst kind. Whatever is possible 😉 // At time of writing, the pet dogs of  Mr India have begun dancing/ celebrating the hints of some Phamous pholks isolating Mr Rascal. For example Mr and Mrs P  Russia have decided not to attend the party Mr Rascal has planned towards end of this month ..  

11 ways to respond to Murder of 17 soldiers in URI ( BJP ishtyle)

Uri in J&K  has seen the murder of 17 Indian soldiers. The citizens of India now seek affirmative action, if not revenge.  However, here are the 11 ways  Bhajapiyas have historically handled Pakistani issues and terror attacks. The well thought out strategy works like this
Updating the status a week after attack with prefix 24/9

Read more

Mr Arun Jaitley , 6 small facts one small ice challenge for you

*Honorable finance minister* and beloved left ball of NaMo, Sri  Arun Jaitley today ejaculated – “One small rape in Delhi was publicized and we lost billions of dollars

Arun Jaitley

Arun Jaitley terms Delhi rape ‘small incident that cost billions in tourism’

Warning : Explicit content ahead please abandon reading if you are sensitive to violent language and crudery 

This former Supreme court lawyer should take the following *small* facts in to cognizance :

  1. There were 6 rapists in the bus including the driver
  2. All of them took turns to rape Late Jyoti Pandey. It lasted a few hours in running bus.
  3. After the rape, a rusted cold iron rod ( L Shaped ) was thrust through her vagina and it made its way up through uterus to her abdomen.
  4. The temperature on that night was 3 to 5 degree celsius and she was thrown out naked and bleeding from a bus moving at 60km /hr
  5. She had profuse internal bleeding, underwent 5 surgeries which removed all her intestines and uterus
  6. The infection spread to her entire body, she finally died of cardiac arrest in Singapore.

Source (  Wikipedia 2012 Delhi gang rape )

To me as a human being none of these are small but to our *erudite minister* and sexy minister, they are . 

Here is how we can settle the smallness of this rape by personal example and taking inspiration from popular ALS ice bucket challenge.

Arun Jaitley must volunteer to take a small ice sodomy challenge. A place in Kashmir or Himalayas where the ambient temperature is 4 to 5 degree can be chosen.

  1. 6 solid bus/ truck driver can  be randomly picked.
  2. They can take turns to sodomize him ( No lubricant is to be used ). This is to be done in a moving bus and should last for  at least 90 minutes and should be done at night.
  3. A  L shaped road or wheel jack can be inserted in his anus and pushed way up his abdomen.
  4. He can then be thrown out of that running train/ bus  ..

He will have a choice not to undergo surgery and medical treatment.. It will be a small sodomy as per his opinion. He can get up and then recommend two of his fellow ministers for ice sodomy test starting from MoS Nihal Chand, the rape accused..

Since all this is to be videographed, it can be posted to all social media and is destined to go viral. The ad revenues generated from this exercise can bring in billions of revenues we have lost . Further, as more and more of his colleagues take this test it can beat the records of LIVE olympic telecast rights.

Mister Jaitley , will you please take this ice bucket oops small  ice sodomy challenge,  establish your theory of small rape and reclaim the billions of dollars lost.